Big Jim
02-28-2002, 02:38 PM
1. FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
2. PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government
takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's
cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The
government gives you as much milk as you need.
3. BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The
government takes them and puts them In a barn with
everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken
farmers. You are required to take care of the chickens the
government took from the chicken farmers. The government
gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations
say you should need.
No word on the chicken farmers' plight.
4. FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes
both; hires you to take care of them, then sells you the
milk.
5. PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You help to
take care of them, and you and your neighbors share the milk.
6. RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have
to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
7. DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government
takes both, then shoots you.
8. SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows.
The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm
animals in a high rise apartment.
9. MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government
takes both and drafts you.
10. PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your
neighbours decide who gets the milk.
11. REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows.
Your neighbours pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
12. AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to
give you two cows, if you vote for it. After the election, the
President is impeached for speculating in caw futures. The
manic, sensation-seeking press dubs the affair "Cowgate".
13. BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed
them sheep's brains, and they go mad. The government does
nothing.
14. COMMON MARKET BUREAUCRACY: You have two
cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed
them, and when you can milk them. Then, it pays you not to
milk them; later, takes both, shoots one, milks the other,
and pours the milk down the drain.
Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing
cows.
15. ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the
milk at a fair price, or, your neighbors try to kill you and
take the cows.
16. CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one, then
buy a bull.
17. HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You
sell three of them to your publicly-listed company, using
letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the
bank; then, execute a debt/equity swap with associated
general offer so that you get all four cows back, with
a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights
of six cows are transferred via Panamanian intermediary
to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the
majority shareholder. He sells the rights to all seven
cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual
report says that the company owns eight cows, with an
option on one more.
Meanwhile, you kill the two cows: the fung shui is bad.
18. ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The
government bans you from milking or killing them.
19. FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and
adopt a veal calf.
20. TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government
takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
21. POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with
( please note the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the
phallo-centric, war-mongering, intolerant past ) two
differently aged - but no less valuable to society -
bovines of non-specified gender.
22. COUNTER CULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like... these
two cows, man. You got to have some of this milk.
23. SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government
requires you to take harmonica lessons.
24. KIDS' RULE IN OZ-LAND: "Who cares about your two cows? I want my milk
in cartons please, and I WANT IT NOW!"
2. PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government
takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's
cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The
government gives you as much milk as you need.
3. BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The
government takes them and puts them In a barn with
everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken
farmers. You are required to take care of the chickens the
government took from the chicken farmers. The government
gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations
say you should need.
No word on the chicken farmers' plight.
4. FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes
both; hires you to take care of them, then sells you the
milk.
5. PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You help to
take care of them, and you and your neighbors share the milk.
6. RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have
to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
7. DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government
takes both, then shoots you.
8. SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows.
The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm
animals in a high rise apartment.
9. MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government
takes both and drafts you.
10. PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your
neighbours decide who gets the milk.
11. REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows.
Your neighbours pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
12. AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to
give you two cows, if you vote for it. After the election, the
President is impeached for speculating in caw futures. The
manic, sensation-seeking press dubs the affair "Cowgate".
13. BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed
them sheep's brains, and they go mad. The government does
nothing.
14. COMMON MARKET BUREAUCRACY: You have two
cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed
them, and when you can milk them. Then, it pays you not to
milk them; later, takes both, shoots one, milks the other,
and pours the milk down the drain.
Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing
cows.
15. ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the
milk at a fair price, or, your neighbors try to kill you and
take the cows.
16. CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one, then
buy a bull.
17. HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You
sell three of them to your publicly-listed company, using
letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the
bank; then, execute a debt/equity swap with associated
general offer so that you get all four cows back, with
a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights
of six cows are transferred via Panamanian intermediary
to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the
majority shareholder. He sells the rights to all seven
cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual
report says that the company owns eight cows, with an
option on one more.
Meanwhile, you kill the two cows: the fung shui is bad.
18. ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The
government bans you from milking or killing them.
19. FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and
adopt a veal calf.
20. TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government
takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
21. POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with
( please note the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the
phallo-centric, war-mongering, intolerant past ) two
differently aged - but no less valuable to society -
bovines of non-specified gender.
22. COUNTER CULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like... these
two cows, man. You got to have some of this milk.
23. SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government
requires you to take harmonica lessons.
24. KIDS' RULE IN OZ-LAND: "Who cares about your two cows? I want my milk
in cartons please, and I WANT IT NOW!"