I got into an accident today
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Thread: I got into an accident today

  1. #1
    bastardizer Array HotWheels's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    none, till the boys are older

    I got into an accident today

    I left work early today. I got a phone call from my wife. She was in tears.

    It was a surprise to me and my siblings when my Mom was diagnosed with
    Pancreatic Cancer last month. It has spread to her liver. The doctor at the
    clinic said she has 5-6 months to live and there are no treatments that will
    help her.

    I'm sad.

    ... but I must be strong.

    My wife told me that Moms heart is failing and she's scared.
    The Dr. at the hospital says her condition is worse than they thought.
    It won't be long.

    I'm the youngest of a large family. My oldest brother and sister live far away
    and due to my 'strength' I was asked to be the decision maker.

    No one knows I was in an accident today. My bikes fine ... a few scratches.
    My shoulder, arm and knee hurt. It's painful to shift.
    I'll be okay.

    I asked Mom about a Will. She doesn't have one.
    I asked Mom what she would like to do. She said creamation.
    I asked Mom where she would like her ashes to be spread. She said with her parents.

    I'm worried about me. When my siblings can't, why is it not difficult for me to
    ask these questions? Why, when my siblings cry, I do not cry with them?

    I'll be okay Mom. We'll all be okay.

    I asked myself last month what can I do? What can I say?
    The only things I can say:
    Thank you
    I love you.

    I think I'm doing what I can.
    "...than I'll be done and we can dance.."

  2. #2
    Gear whore Array Kamui's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2002
    2006 Honda CBR 600RR
    Sean, my heart goes out to you in this difficult time. Stay strong. Maybe it's best you stay off the bike for awhile. We're not meant to ride our bikes when influenced by such powerful emotions.

    Hang in there.
    (o'.'o) Thanks to Twinbros Racing for my avatar!

  3. #3
    Lets Ride!9 Array
    Join Date
    Oct 2003

    Stay strong, The link above is by Randy Pausch he wrote the book "The Last Lecture" after he found out he had Pancreatic Cancer. The link is his website for fighting pancreatic cancer and to create awareness.

    Hang in there.
    Last edited by BruceLee; 08-08-2008 at 12:49 AM. Reason: adding more words

  4. #4
    Lee RideFar Array elevation's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    White Rock
    Ninja 1000
    Wow, things are rough for you... I'm sorry to hear. With your large family and no will. I would really encourage you (and your family) to get one completed by a lawyer. This will just ensure that things will move as smoothly as possible in the future.

  5. #5
    Registered User Array Borgnine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    eastern Fraser Valley
    2015 Triumph Tiger Explorer XC
    Sorry to hear about the tough times you're going through.
    My wife lost her mom on Monday night.
    Please encourage your mom to make out a will. It will make everything much easier when it's hard to think straight.
    "Let us cross over the river, and rest under the shade of the trees."
    ~Last words of Gen. Thomas Jonathan "Stonewall" Jackson

  6. #6
    Registered User Array scubaphil's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    99 R6
    sorry to hear man. you will be in my prayers.
    If jack helped you off a horse would you help jack off a horse??

    You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.

  7. #7
    I'm back Array Quasi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    2014 FZ-09
    Wow, thats terrible. I went through this wife my wife last year when her mom had lung and brain cancer. The only advice I have is to help you mom get all her ducks in a row and it sounds like you're on the way to doing that. There are ways to minimize legal costs and avoid probate as well, consult an estate lawyer if she has property.

    You're going to have some really hard times as it progresses but be strong. You're going to need your wife to support you through this as well so don't be afraid to lean on her. Also she needs to know that you may not be yourself, moody, depressed, angry and all the other emotions that come with something like this and she need not take it personally. That was hard for me but I understood that what she was going through wasn't easy. It's been over a year and my wife still has those moments when she breaks down but thats the reason we have parters to pick us back up.

    Anyway goodluck to you, your family and your mother.

    Edit: One thing I forgot to add is when it gets to the point where your mom is having trouble taking care of herself you might want to look into a Hospice. If your mom does not have the money to pay and qualifies the costs will be completely picked up by the Government. I know for my wifes family it reached the point where having people off work all the time to try and look after her and watch her became to much both physically and emotionally. The help is out there don't be afraid to use it. I have nothing but good things to say about the Hospice in New Westminster near the Justice Institute.
    Last edited by Quasi; 08-08-2008 at 11:34 AM.

    Church doors are always open to whoever wants to enter, but they're only open to those who are willing to be sheep. The service of God is really service to those self-proclaimed holy men who hold the franchise. Accumulating material grandeur is the goal, not the improvement of the people's lives. Independent thought is discouraged. Raising the individual up is not part of the plan; keeping the flock docile, distracted, and deluded is what it's all about.
    -Joshua Armstrong

  8. #8
    Obi-Wan Newbie Array Tigon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    It's a Honda!!!
    i lost my mother when i was young and i did not have a chance to say good-bye to her since a drunk driver took her life. i feel what you are going through. don't worry about the bike, you will find strength in the strangest places. make the best of the time, but not for just these moments but for each day there after.
    Life cannot be taught. Life can only be experienced.

    "You get there when you get there!!"

  9. #9
    Registered User Array SpideRider's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2002
    Fraser Valley
    Don't feel guilty about not crying. I didn't cry when my mother died — I, too, had to be the "strong" one in the family. Apparently my brother and even my freaking father weren't able to be "strong" enough to handle everything.
    I lost a lot of respect for both of them that day, and it's never been regained.
    I cried at the funeral, and haven't since. I was pretty emotional for quite a few weeks after mom died, but I found having my GF at the time around very helpful. Not to mention, beating the shit out of people in the karate dojo helped release a lot of strain.
    And definitely get a will done. You don't want to deal with all the bullshit afterwards if no will is in place.
    Cry in the dojo, laugh on the battlefield
    Sparring speed is a matter of simple physics:
    The height of your flight is inversely proportionate to the mass of your ass.

  10. #10
    bastardizer Array HotWheels's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    none, till the boys are older
    I am very sad to inform that mom has passed away on August 15th.
    I was away.
    It was a preplanned trip Disneyland.

    Before leaving the hotel room that day, I sat with my two young sons and
    told them that grandma has gone. I told them I lost my mom today. My six
    year old hugged me and said, "Dad, everything will be okay."

    I spent the day with my wife and my boys.
    I thought of my mom.
    Everything was perfect.
    "...than I'll be done and we can dance.."

  11. #11
    Registered User Array Sinned's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Surrey, B.C.
    2006 Honda 919 - Hornet
    Very sorry about your mom, I'm not there yet & I dont look forward to it.

    Please, dont drive distracted or your wife & kids will be distracted.

  12. #12
    BADUNKADUNK Array g_spyder91's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    50th Anniversary R6
    Sorry to hear of your loss, my sincerest condolences to you and your family.
    Bart: What's Santa's Little Helper doing to that dog? Looks like he's trying to jump over, but he can't quite make it.

  13. #13
    Vindicated Array JamieJames's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    C eh N eh D eh
    2006 GSXR 750
    Sorry to hear of your loss. And welcome to the shittiest club. We don't have meetings, it's not a joyous club, and the admittance conditions are terrible.

    Similar to you, I am the youngest in my family and when my dad passed away suddenly my older sibblings looked to me for strength. My sister even said "you have to be strong for us". I didn't mind so much but I thought "who's going to be strong for me?". So I feel for your situation but it always helps to find someone else's shoulder once in awhile.

    Best of luck to you and your family on the long mend.
    "It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so."

    -Mark Twain

    Hello BCSB!

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