2002 Darwin Awards
Yes, the one we've all been waiting for - the 2002 Darwin Awards. The
candidates have finally been released! For those not familiar with the
Darwin Award, it's an annual honor given to the person who provided the
Universal human gene pool the biggest service by getting KILLED in the
most extraordinarily stupid way. As always, competition this year has
been keen again. Some candidates appear to have trained their whole
lives for this event! And if you notice they are all MEN!!
1. In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in
two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide
sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
2. In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally
zoned when he ran, " accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on
his daily run.
3. Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8 foot deep hole he dug
into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach goers said Daniel
Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had
been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom on Thursday afternoon when
it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach,
on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their
way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It
took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him
while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at
4. In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he
fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burgling.
Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth
(to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit
5. According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet, Nick Berrena, 20,
was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet, Jeffrey Hoffman, 23,
who was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak vest
Berrena was wearing.
6. Sylvester Briddell, Jr. , 26, was killed in February in Selbyville,
Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver
loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
7. In February, according to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel Kolta,
27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a
tie in the game of chicken they were playing with their snowmobiles.
1. In Guthrie, Okla., in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede
with a shot from his 22 caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off a
rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head, fracturing
2. In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out
cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a propane
torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second floors of his
3. Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, and his
wife, Bonnie, was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew
up in their car. While driving around at 2 a. m. , the bored couple lit
the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would
happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.
THE RUNNER UP - FROM TACOMA, WA:
Jerome Nottage had been drinking with several friends when one of them
they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge
the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least
trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4: 30 a. m. Upon arrival at
midpoint of the bridge, they discovered that no one had brought a
rope. Nottage, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out
a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured
around Nottage's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall
lasted 40 feet before the cable
tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived
his fall into the icy river water and was rescued by two nearby
fishermen. "All I can say, " said Nottage, "is that God was watching
out for me on that night. There's just no other explanation for it. "
Nottage's foot was never located.
AND FINALLY, THE WINNER - FROM PADERBORN, GERMANY:
Overzealous zoo keeper, Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated
elephant, Stefan, 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of
berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let it
fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators
say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant
an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer
force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to
the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as
the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him, " said
flabbergasted Paderborn police detective, Erik Dern. "With no one there
to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a
watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be
just one of those freak accidents that happen.