2002 Darwin Awards!
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Thread: 2002 Darwin Awards!

  1. #1
    Registered User Array polared's Avatar
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    Sep 2002

    2002 Darwin Awards!

    2002 Darwin Awards

    Yes, the one we've all been waiting for - the 2002 Darwin Awards. The
    candidates have finally been released! For those not familiar with the
    Darwin Award, it's an annual honor given to the person who provided the
    Universal human gene pool the biggest service by getting KILLED in the
    most extraordinarily stupid way. As always, competition this year has
    been keen again. Some candidates appear to have trained their whole
    lives for this event! And if you notice they are all MEN!!


    1. In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in
    two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide
    sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

    2. In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally
    zoned when he ran, " accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on
    his daily run.

    3. Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8 foot deep hole he dug
    into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach goers said Daniel
    Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had
    been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom on Thursday afternoon when
    it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach,
    on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their
    way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It
    took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him
    while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at

    4. In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he
    fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burgling.
    Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth
    (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit
    the floor.

    5. According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet, Nick Berrena, 20,
    was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet, Jeffrey Hoffman, 23,
    who was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak vest
    Berrena was wearing.

    6. Sylvester Briddell, Jr. , 26, was killed in February in Selbyville,
    Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver
    loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

    7. In February, according to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel Kolta,
    27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a
    tie in the game of chicken they were playing with their snowmobiles.


    1. In Guthrie, Okla., in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede
    with a shot from his 22 caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off a
    rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head, fracturing
    his skull.

    2. In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out
    cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a propane
    torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second floors of his

    3. Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, and his
    wife, Bonnie, was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew
    up in their car. While driving around at 2 a. m. , the bored couple lit
    the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would
    happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.


    Jerome Nottage had been drinking with several friends when one of them
    they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge
    the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least
    trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4: 30 a. m. Upon arrival at
    midpoint of the bridge, they discovered that no one had brought a
    rope. Nottage, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out
    a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured
    around Nottage's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall
    lasted 40 feet before the cable
    tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived
    his fall into the icy river water and was rescued by two nearby
    fishermen. "All I can say, " said Nottage, "is that God was watching
    out for me on that night. There's just no other explanation for it. "
    Nottage's foot was never located.


    Overzealous zoo keeper, Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated
    elephant, Stefan, 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of
    berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let it
    fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators
    say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant
    an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer
    force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to
    the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as
    the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him, " said
    flabbergasted Paderborn police detective, Erik Dern. "With no one there
    to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a
    watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be
    just one of those freak accidents that happen.
    Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

  2. #2
    Wanderer of the Wastes Array DNAspark99's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    השטן שב
    It's always so nice to see evolution in action
    "I dread beyond all else the growth of the petty tyranny of restrictive legislation, the transference of disciplinary authority from the judiciary to the constabulary, the abandonment of every constitutional safeguard of individual liberty."

  3. #3
    rock the 40 oz Array FiSh_Extreme's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    06 636 / cbr900rr / cbr600f4i
    lmao.. some dumb ass shit

    westcoast #1

    R.I.P danimal, i will NEVER forget you man. 1982-2005

    Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling,

  4. #4
    #5-anyone knows that a flak jacket that is designed to prevent penetration by a bullet will not work when a knife is involved.He was obviously brain dead .

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