When I was very young, and the television 'remote' still had a wire that connected it to the set, we'd watch TV as a family. Of course this meant watching good, wholesome programming. One night after the muppet show, we were flicking through the channels, when we switched on to a nature program detailing the lives of giant Galapagos tortoises. We had inadvertently stumbled into the scene of two giant turtles making love. The male 'bull' was mounting behind, slowly thrusting away, making these incredibly deep, growly grunts as a the narrator calmly detailed the scene. Our family sat frozen in shock; my parents uncertain and nervous, as young children we didn't quite know what we were seeing. It was then that my mother burst out in uncontrollable laughter. The tension was eased; and there we sat, laughing our asses off as we watched the turtles demonstrating the beauty of nature. I think this was my first introduction to 'the birds and the bees', and it left me forever scared in some deep, indescribable way.
I now masturbate furiously to turtle porn; enjoy
Show me your O face
and of course:
I like turtles ... me too lil' Johnny, meeeee too