Warning; Potentially NSFW - if your employer is a prude that would get upset about a 2 pixel nipple... dont look at the pics. Now on the with show...
It's 'golden week' here in Japan; a string of consecutive holidays that equals the most time of for a lot of the native population of hard working Japanese Salarymen. Actually I'm pretty sure 'hard working' is just a myth now, pure propaganda being perpetuated by the entire country.... but that is another matter.
It's golden week, and some people use the time off to go to Disney land. Some people go to temples. Some people go to see Mt. Fuji, or travel internationally.
I go to the Sapporo Brewing Facility.
Located in Chiba prefecture, aka; butt-fuck nowhere, it is the Kanto regions' largest producer of wheat (not barley) based beer. My time here in Japan has seen a lot of consumption of the Sapporo corporation's full spectrum of alcoholic products, and so it seemed only natural to follow this to the source.
Upon entering the facility and paying homage to the large 'god of beer' (oddly European looking I might add), we sign in and await the tour to begin. After a few minutes of standing around, the moonspeak begins and the tour is under way. We follow along, gradually entering deep into the facility, and observing the giant vats where it is brewed. The temperature continues to climb as they slowly take us from room to room, showing us segmented videos of the brewing process which I can only describe as 'beer porn'. Fast forward about 20 minutes, and the tour group breaks out into a long, narrow corridor, and on the structural framework, it is written in Japanese; "only 200m to nice, cold draft beer". "195m". 190. 185. 180.... you get the idea. By the end of the hall, me and my buddy are practically shoving the elderly out of our way and breaking into a brisk sprint to get to the taps, where a highly trained crew of gorgeous beer maidens have perfectly timed the pouring of draft beer with our arrival. I do believe the intention was to take the glass and sit down in the cafeteria area; however we instantly doubled back, to the tail end of the group, which again with perfect timing allowed us to recieve another full pint just as we downed the last of the previous glass. Each tour group is given a free pass for 'all you can drink in 20 minutes', and we put that to the test, almost comedically returning for refills the instant we sat down. By the end of it, we had groups of people exclaiming 'sugoi' at how fast we were able to put them away. The evening is now fuzzy, but I believe we were able to get about 8-10 beers each in those 20 minutes.
Now, I should mention, and perhaps this is my own personal delusion, that Canadians are somewhat famous for their affinity for beer. I have always believed this, especially in comparison to our piss-water drinking neighbors to the south; those flimsy no-good god-damned fucking american pussies. And indeed, I do think we are fond of our beers; but frankly, it is no where near as ingrained in our culture as it is in that of the Japanese. They may not all be able to drink *as much* as the average Canadian, but what they do drink, they accomplish with gusto and an eagerness I have not seen since the first time I bought a six-pack for a 12 year old who was trying to get his girlfriend drunk enough to give him his first blowjob.
But the Japanese, as a culture, can drink. The women will all drink beer too, and these are often dainty little creatures, making the fat cooler-chugging butch bitches of Canada seem like a complete disgrace in comparison. I suppose it's not until you've been drunken under the table by a 90 year old woman who smokes through a hole in her throat that you can really understand the degree to which alcohol consumption is a naturally ingrained part of a society, and in this aspect I have to admit Canada falls short.
Of course, I'm no slouch and I represent my country to the best of my ability. What better way, then, to enter into an all day drinking binge then by hitting it in stride while still at full gallop from the nights' previous drunken misadventures in shot-bars and love hotels. It was in this setting, then, that I found the 20 minutes of over consumption just a kick-start to my day, bringing me back up to speed, and priming the pumps of my alcohol system back into proper capacity for resuming normal operation. After the 20 minutes was up, then, I was perfectly ready to head over to the adjacent restaurant and drinking house; where for a mere 2000￥ (roughly $20), we could sit down and have a proper nomihodai - "all you can drink".
And so it began.
We ordered food and as much beer as we could manage. At some point we got tired of calling the waitress over every few minutes, so we began ordering 3 beers at a time. And they brought us several rounds like this. It's no surprise then, that the details begin to get fuzzy here, but I do recall going to the bathroom several times and seeing something odd, something I had no seen before; a new fixture attached to the wall right next to the door. At first I thought it was a sink, but no... it was too low. Then I thought it may be a toilet... but no... it had a faucet. Strange.
Upon asking... it turns out it's a special vomit-only receptacle. How absurd this would be, anywhere else other than at a brewery. My only regret is that I have a fairly robust constitution, and am *usually* able to withhold myself from any malfunctions of the digestive process. For a moment, I contemplated gagging myself just for the novelty of using this unique bathroom apparatus, but then I remembered the last time I tried to forcefully regurgitate and the awkward failure that followed. Oh well, there's always next time I figured.
My only complaint about Japan is that the trains close early. So, as we had a schedule to keep, after 10 hours or so of drinking, we had to move on to the next stop. And it was there, in a drunken stagger through town, that I turned a corner and was drawn in by the pink neon glow to what my friend referred to as his 'favorite porn shop'. Japanese kink is spectacular in it's many twisted perversions, so of course we entered.
Upon entering, we were greeted by an ancient old man, silently sitting behind his desk at the counter, reading something below our view that I can only assume was off the shelves of his own store. We looked around, and it was there, as I turned down one of the aisles bristled with all manner of strange and exotic sex toys and schoolgirl uniforms, that I finally stumbled upon the holy grail of japanese depravity:
Used school girl panties.
Aka: the perfect erotic souvenir... exclusively for my friends back home, of course!
These are incredibly hard to come by these days. There are still legends circulating about the fabled used-panty vending machines, supposed to still be lurking in select dark back alleys of Akihabara. But I have been there, all around and down those alleys, explored the back rooms and the dank, musty basements, and they are no where to be found in Tokyo. At least not that I've been able to encounter yet. But out here, in the countryside, the bylaws that have been imposed in the past few years to 'clean up' the image of the cities does not apply. Here, there are no attempts at decency. Here, depravity is on display - and at a discounted price if you buy 3 or more.
This is my kind of place!
Needless to say, I made my selection based on the cuteness of the individual girls pic included in the packaging, and made my way to the counter. There the old man looked up and smiled, showing me his ONE LONELY TOOTH. It was obviously a slow night, and he was happy to make a sale, so he threw in some odd little sex toy for free as he giggled like yoda, shuffling around behind the counter to wrap his wares in a shoddy used brown paper bag and scotch tape. His gift wrapping skills were horrible... and I was the drunk one. Well, he may have been pretty drunk too, now that I think about it...
I will now field any questions you may have.
TL;DR: yes, the panties are really comfortable.