A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he is drinking, the monkey is jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. He then grabs some sliced limes and eats them. He then jumps on the pool table and grabs one of the billiard balls. To everyones amazement, he sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my table...whole!"
"Yeah that doesnt surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight. Sorry! I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff."
The guy finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for everything the monkey ate and leaves.
Two weeks later the guy is back at the bar, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and then eats it.
The monkey then finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his ass, pulls it out, and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?"
"No, what?" replied the man.
"Well, he stuck both a cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled them out, and proceeded to eat them!" said the bartender.
"Yeah that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to shit out the cue ball, now he measures everything before he eats it!"