'04 BMW GSA. But only for Chuck Norris
OK, let me start off by saying this BMW 1150 GS Adventure is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was possible for a motorcycle to sprout chest hair and a five o'clock shadow, this BMW would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly.
It was never intended to drive to the corner coffee shop so could you sip your latte and cringe at the gravel road across the street. It wasn't meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things. No, that's what your Vespa is for. If that's the kind of “bike” you're looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. I mean it. Just stop.
This bike was engineered by 3rd degree superhuman-warriors on the toughest plains of Germany to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn't even consider superfluous nancy-boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don't get lost), heated leather seats (a real man doesn't let anything warm his butt), or reverse-assist (real men want to push their bike backwards).
No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super action junkies need. It has a 6 speed, 1130 cc, 4 Stroke - Liquid Cooled - Boxer Twin with digital engine management, Bosch Motronic MA 2.4 with overrun fuel cut-off, twin spark Ignition Systemengine to outrun the cops. It's got a special blood/gore resistant upholstered seat. It even comes with it’s own BMW aluminum panniers (set of three). You know what the panniers have in ‘em? A pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you're operating on yourself. The BMW does not have an automatic transmission, but if you're being chased by Mexican Banditos, you'll still be able to shoot your machine gun and ride at the same time. It's saved my bacon more than once.
It has room for you and all the camping/survival gear you’ll need, via the panniers (included) – you can store your bunker-buster missiles; a case o’ brewskies and your free-weights (to blast your pecs and hammer your glutes). I also just put in a new windshield to replace the one that got shot out by The Man.
My price on this bad boy is a mere $9300 if you want the heated jacket included for your Antarctic adventures, but I'll accept $9145 (kelly blue book) if you are going to wus out and stick to warmer climes and deny such a jacket. And by reasonable, I mean don't walk up and tell me you'll give me $5,000 for it - that's liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let's just say you won't be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore. This bike is in wicked condition, and well-kept.
There's only 60 000 of Km's on this two-wheeled hellcat from Planet Kickass. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo. Dudes, this bike has taken me through 5 countries and has seen every single dammed state in Meh-hee-co, climbed a volcano in Guatemala and helped me survive the brutal back-woods of Belize and devoured the famed Copper Canyon (look it up).
Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it's a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then contact me. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling with my homies, but I'll get back to you. And when I do, we'll talk about a price over a nice glass of Schmidt while we listen to Johnny Cash.
To sweeten the deal a little, I'm throwing in this pair of MC Hammer pants for the man with rippling quads that can't fit into regular pants. Yeah, you heard me. FREE MC Hammer pants.
No mullets allowed. Rock on.
This bike is in Calgary, Alberta, Canada.
stolen from adv rider