A newfoundland farmer
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Thread: A newfoundland farmer

  1. #1
    Bad Motherfucker Array thebronze's Avatar
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    Nov 2007
    On Yer Wife/GF/Mom
    Rocky Mountain, 1986 Livingroom (Aspencade)

    A newfoundland farmer

    A Newfoundland farmer named Angus had

    a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned

    by the Eversweet Company.

    In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot

    solicitor was questioning Angus.

    'Didn't you say to the RCMP at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' asked the solicitor.

    Angus responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what

    happened. I had just loaded my favourite cow,

    Bessie, into the... '

    'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just answer the question.

    Did you not say, at the scene of the accident,

    'I'm fine!'?'

    Angus said, 'Well, I had just got Bessie into

    the trailer and I was driving down the road.... '

    The solicitor interrupted again and said,

    'Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact

    that, at the scene of the accident, this man told

    the police on the scene that he was fine. Now

    several weeks after the accident, he is trying

    to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please

    tell him to simply answer the question. '

    By this time, the Judge was fairly interested

    in Angus' answer and said to the solicitor:

    'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his

    favourite cow, Bessie'.

    Angus thanked the Judge and proceeded.

    'Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie,

    my favorite cow, into the trailer and was driving

    her down the road when this huge Eversweet

    truck and trailer came through a stop sign and

    hit my trailer right in the side. I was thrown

    into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the

    other. I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want

    to move.. However, I could hear old Bessie

    moaning and groaning. I knew she was in

    terrible pain just by her groans.

    Shortly after the accident, a policeman on a

    motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie

    moaning and groaning so he went over to her.

    After he looked at her, and saw her condition,

    he took out his gun and shot her between

    the eyes.

    Then the policeman came across the road, gun

    still in hand, looked at me, and said,

    'How are you feeling?'

    'Now what the Fuck would you say?'
    Anything You Can Do...... I Can Do Drunker
    "Growin up leads to growin old and then to dying...... And dying to Me don't sound like all that much fun"

  2. #2
    Registered User Array michaelplawson's Avatar
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    Mar 2008
    2009 Kawasaki zx6/2002 honda f4i
    hahaha nice

  3. #3
    medicated 4 ur protection Array syncro's Avatar
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    Jun 2006
    white privelege
    RC51 & Blackbird

    some things you can't explain

    A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting saused. A man comes in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?"

    Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.

    Man: So what happened that's so horrible?

    Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket.

    Man: Ok, but that's not so bad.

    Farmer: Yeah, but some things you just can't explain.

    Man: So what happened then?

    Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.

    Man: And then?

    Farmer: Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket.

    Man: Again?

    Farmer: Yup. Some things you just can't explain.

    Man: So, what did you do then?

    Farmer: I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right.

    Man: And then?

    Farmer: Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.

    Man: Hmmm

    Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.

    Man: So, what did you do?

    Farmer: Well, I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in. Some things you just can't explain.
    *** every move should be calculated ***

    Quote Originally Posted by sAdam View Post
    Most everyone on here is worth a laugh or has a good insight at one time or another, even syncro.

  4. #4
    ɹǝsn pǝɹǝʇsıƃǝᴚ Array pinefresh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    10' Versys
    Two guys are walking down a road when they come across a deep hole beside it. Being curious, they go over and check it out. When they look down, they are surprised to find they can't see the bottom. So they drop a couple of rocks down the hole and listen... Nothing. One of them says, "Man, that's a deep hole!"

    Thinking they might hear something larger hit the bottom, they find a big, old cinder block and pitch it over the side. The pause and listen intently... They hear a sound, but it is coming from behind them! They quickly turn around to see a goat bearing down on them with it head lowered, flying along, its feet barely touching the ground, its moving so fast!

    The two men dive out of its way just in time and the goat plunges past them, into the seemingly bottomless hole, to its doom. The two look at each other and say, "Boy that was close! We'd better get away from this thing before we end up with the goat!".

    So they continue on their way down the road until they happen across this farmer working near it. The men again put their heads together and figure that the goat belongs to the farmer and the decide to tell him what happened.

    "Hey Mr. Farmer. Do you happen to own a goat?", one of the men asked. The farmer replies, "Yeah, why do you ask?" The men then tell what happened at the hole and how they narrowly avoided death in the hole from the speeding goat.

    The farmer said, "Well boys, I don't think that was my goat. You see, my goat was really old and crippled up with arthritis. There is no way he could have been moving that fast. Besides, I had him tied to this big, old cinder block."

  5. #5
    Registered User Array jacek's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    New Westminster
    06 R6
    The Sheer Nightgown

    A husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price; the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the sheerest item, pays the $500, and takes it home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.
    Upstairs the wife thinks (she's no dummy), 'I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow and keep the $500 refund for myself.'
    She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.
    The husband says, 'Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!'
    He never heard the shot.
    Funeral on Thursday at Noon; closed coffin.

    Old enough to know better.

  6. #6
    BannedSpammer Array malamikigo's Avatar
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    Feb 2007
    '09 Ducati M696

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