Four married guys go golfing. After an hour, the following conversations take place:
First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to play this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I'd paint every room in the house next weekend."
Second guy: "That's nothing. I had to promise my wife I'd build her a new deck for the pool."
Third guy: "Man! You both have it easy! I had to promise my wife I'd remodel the kitchen for her."
They continue to their round when they realize that the fourth guy hasn't said a word. So they ask him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to play this weekend. What's the deal?"
Fourth guy: "I just set the alarm for 5:30 am.
When it went off, I shut it down, gave the wife a nudge and said, "Golf or sex," and she said,"Wear a sweater!"
A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'"
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."
The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots, and the female parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"
One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"