Winter fuel allowance
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Thread: Winter fuel allowance

  1. #1
    hanging out at timmies Array
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    posing with one of my zukes at 7/11
    a suzisomething

    Winter fuel allowance


    About this time of the year, older taxpayers will again be receiving another 'Winter Fuel Allowance' payment. This is indeed a very exciting programme, and I'll explain it by using

    a Q & A format:

    Q. What is a 'Winter Fuel Allowance payment ?
    A. It is money that the government will send to taxpayers.

    Q. Where will the government get this money ?
    A. From taxpayers.

    Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?
    A. Only a smidgen of it.

    Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?
    A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase gas and electricity...or a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

    Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
    A. Shut up.

    Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the Canadian Economy by spending your 'Winter Fuel Allowance cheque wisely:

    * If you spend the money at Wal-Mart or Costco , the money will go to USA , China ,Taiwan or Sri Lanka

    * If you purchase a computer it will go to India , Taiwan or China

    * If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala

    * If you buy an efficient car it will go to Japan or Korea

    * If you purchase useless stuff it will go to Taiwan

    * If you pay off your credit cards or buy shares, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

    Instead, keep the money in the Canada by:

    1. Spending it at garage sales

    2. Going to night clubs

    3. Spending it on prostitutes

    4. Buying beer or whisky

    5. Getting yourself a Tattoo

    6. Buy a Lotto ticket

    (These are the only Canadian businesses still operating in Canada. )

    Conclusion: To Be very patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a garage sale , and drink beer day and night !

    No need to thank me...just glad I could be of help.

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  3. #2
    Registered User Array 125cbr rider's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    2014 Honda CB500X
    Last edited by 125cbr rider; 12-29-2013 at 02:20 PM.

  4. #3
    Fastronaut Array Danke's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Danger Zone!
    You guys are both UK ex-pats?
    Fill the house with bees.

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