Inverted Podium Gives Hope to Kawasaki
From a press release issued by the FIM:
Jerez de la Frontera, May 9 2003
In the interests of creating a more equitable distribution of the available podiage, the directors of the FIM have decided (after an overnight bender in the Jerez paddock) to implement an “Inverted Podium” on random occasions throughout the 2003 MotoGP campaign.
The “Inverted Podium” will be applied to the finishing order at select MotoGP meetings based on a complex mathematical formula. In the interest of maintaining suspense throughout the race weekend, the FIM will not be disclosing the exact weightings used in the calculations, but the following information is available:
As an acknowledgement to the vibrant motorcycling community in British Columbia, the FIM has decided to base its decisions regarding the application of the “Inverted Podium” to thread and post content on the bcsportbikes.com website. Again, while the weighting applied to each variable will not be revealed, the following site content will be assessed at the midpoint of the race by the FIM’s Department of Redundancy Department:
1. The number of times “FiSh_Extreme” is admonished in the “Stunt Life” forum for not wearing his leather thong underwear when stunting.
2. The number of claims (fictional or otherwise) made by site members regarding their expertise concerning the judicial system, law enforcement, and/or tuning disc-valve two-stroke motors.
3. The number of times a list member complains about unfair traffic tickets awarded for riding down Boundary Rd at 160km/h when their full-face helmet is being worn backwards
With the banishment of the Harris/WCM team, it looks as though the Kawasaki team will be the greatest benefactor under the new regulations. (Yamaha’s Carlos Checa was initially very enthused, but it was later revealed that he wouldn’t be able to crash his way to the top.)
Rider comments from the Fuchs Kawasaki MotoGP team:
“We’ve been working really hard to develop our machine. I think that it’s about time we were rewarded for our consistency. Have you ever tried to ride a kangaroo covered in Vaseline?....Well, have you?”
“Well, frankly I’ve always thought we should be able to utilize the same displacement as those cheaters over at Ducati. Let’s face it, their bike would be a bag-of-nails if they had to race under the same rules. Also, I’ve wondered how our bikes can stick to the tarmac when racing in the Southern Hemisphere. Phillip Island is almost upside-down!”
“Is it Oktoberfest yet?”