Some are funny, some a ghey
thought it'd make for a laugh to some.
take the good with the bad.
> 1. Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit.
> 2. It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch.
> 3. He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
> 4. Have a cup of coffee, it's already been 'saucered and blowed.
> 5. She's so stuck up; she'd drown in a rainstorm.
> 6. It's so dry; the trees are bribing the dogs.
> 7. My cow died last night so I don't need your bull.
> 8. Don't pee down my back and tell me it's raining.
> 9. He's as country as cornflakes.
>10. This is gooder'n grits.
>11. Busier than a cat covering crap on concrete.
>12. If things get any better, I may have to hire somebody to help me
>NOTICE TO NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH
>The following is a pre-approved posting whose purpose
>is to offer insight and advice
>to Northerners moving South.
>1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed
> on how to use it shortly.
>2. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
> Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not
> mean Southerners can.
>3. If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men
> in the cab of a four-wheel pick-up with a 12-pack of beer
> and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them.
> Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
>4. You can ask Southerners for directions, but unless you
> already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks,
> you're better off trying to find it yourself.
>5. Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural.
> All y'all's is plural possessive.
>6. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
>7. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone.
> They don't understand you, either.
>8. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted
> Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective; big ol, as in; "
> big ole truck"; or; "big ol boy".
>9. As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55-mph
> zone,directly in the middle of the road, remember:
> ALL Southern folks learned to drive on a John Deere, and
> this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.
>10. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, Hey, y'all, watch this!
> Stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will
> ever say, or worse still, that you will ever hear.
>11. Most Southerners do not use turn signals; they ignore
> those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car
> with a Southern license plate, you may rest assured that it
> was already turned on when the car was purchased.
>12. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking,
> let alone eating.
>13. The wardrobe you always brought out in September
> can wait until December.
>14. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even
> the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence
> is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter
> if you need anything from the store. It is just something
> you're supposed to do.
>15. Satellite dishes are very popular in the South.
> When you purchase one, it is positioned directly in
> front of the house. This is logical, bearing in mind that the
> dish cost considerably more than the house, and should,
> therefore, be prominently displayed.
>16. Be advised that in the South,
> "He needed killin'!", is a valid defense.