Rectum? Hell no it killed him!
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Thread: Rectum? Hell no it killed him!

  1. #1
    Registered User Array Chumly's Avatar
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    Jun 2004
    Honda & Suzuki

    Rectum? Hell no it killed him!

    (21 May 2004, Texas) Michael was an alcoholic. And not an ordinary alcoholic, but an alcoholic who liked to take his liquor, well, rectally. His wife said he was "addicted to enemas" and often used alcohol in this manner. The result was the same: inebriation.

    The machine shop owner couldn't imbibe alcohol by mouth due to a painful throat ailment, so he elected to receive his favorite beverage via enema. And tonight, Michael was in for one hell of a party. Two 1.5 liter bottles of sherry, more than 100 fluid ounces, right up the old address!

    When the rest of us have had enough, we either stop drinking or pass out. When Michael had had enough (and subsequently passed out) the alcohol remaining in his rectal cavity continued to be absorbed. The next morning, Michael was dead.

    The 58-year-old did a pretty good job of embalming himself. According to toxicology reports, his blood alcohol level was 0.47%.

    In order to qualify for a Darwin Award, a person must remove himself from the gene pool via an "astounding misapplication of judgment." Three liters of sherry up the butt can only be described as astounding. Unsurprisingly, his neighbors said they were surprised to learn of the incident.

  2. #2
    Moderator Array Shovelhead's Avatar
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    Mar 2005
    Welcome to the real world,

    These days, it is common for teens to soak up tampons with vodka and insert them inside their rectums or vaginas.

    Alcohol is being absorbed quickly and is more potent as it goes directly into the blood stream bypassing the stomach.

    Sad but true .
    R.I.P #48 Shoya Tomizawa (December 10, 1990 – September 5, 2010)
    R.I.P. #58 Marco Simoncelli (January 20, 1987 – October 23, 2011)

  3. #3
    Wanderer of the Wastes Array DNAspark99's Avatar
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    השטן שב
    'a butt of sherry', you say?
    "I dread beyond all else the growth of the petty tyranny of restrictive legislation, the transference of disciplinary authority from the judiciary to the constabulary, the abandonment of every constitutional safeguard of individual liberty."

  4. #4
    Been there, Wrecked that! Array CrashTested's Avatar
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    Embedding sucks! -

    Last edited by Shovelhead; 01-06-2016 at 12:14 PM. Reason: fixed youtube link
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  5. #5
    Registered User Array LCPeter's Avatar
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    2008 BMW HP2S, Beta 525RR. 2012 Multi S Touring
    This thread made me think of point 2.

    Leroy is a 20 year-old 5th grader. This is Leroy's Ebonics homework
    assignment. He must use each vocabulary word in a sentence.

    1. Foreclose - If I pay alimony today, I got no money foreclose.

    2. Rectum - I had two Cadillacs, but my b*tch rectum both.

    3. Hotel - I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the hotel everybody.

    4. Disappointment - My parole officer told me if I miss disappointment
    they gonna send me back to the joint.

    5. Penis - I went to the doctors and he handed me a cup and said

    6. Israel - Tito try to sell me a Rolex. I say, "man, it look fake. "He
    say, "Bullsh*t, that watch Israel".

    7. Catacomb - I saw Don King at dat fight the other night. Man,
    somebody get that catacomb.

    8. Undermine - There's a fine lookin' ho living in the apartment

    9. Acoustic - When I was little, my uncle bought me acoustic and took
    me to the poolhall.

    10. Iraq - When we got to the poolhall, I tol' my uncle iraq, you

    11. Stain - My mother-in-law stopped by and I asked her, "Do you plan
    on stain for dinner?"

    12. Seldom - My cousin gave me tickets to the Knicks game, so I seldom.

    13. Honor - At the rape trial, the judge axed my buddy, "Who was honor

    14. Dictate - My girlfriend say my dictate good.

    15. Odyssey - I told my brother, "You odyssey the t*ts on that ho!"

    16. Axe - After school today, the police want to axe me some

    17. Fortify - I axed this ho on da street, "how much?" she say

    18. Income - I just got in bed with dat ho and income my wife
    "I tell you, we are here on earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different!"
    - Kurt Vonnegut

    Loud Pipes save Deer

  6. #6
    Moderator Array Shovelhead's Avatar
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    Mar 2005
    This looks like a daily read on this site.

    'My Helmut is at the boarder"
    R.I.P #48 Shoya Tomizawa (December 10, 1990 – September 5, 2010)
    R.I.P. #58 Marco Simoncelli (January 20, 1987 – October 23, 2011)

  7. #7
    Insert User Title Here. Array TripleTime's Avatar
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    Apr 2009
    Spinning right round baby right round.
    at BCSB Ebonics

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