"Why can't I own Canadians?"
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Thread: "Why can't I own Canadians?"

  1. #1
    builder of bikes Array cosworth's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    The Island

    "Why can't I own Canadians?"

    Got this off gixxer.com and HAD to share it.


    Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show.

    Recently, she said that as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abominaton according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned in any circumstance.

    The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet:

    Dear Dr. Laura: Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to follow them.

    a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They say the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

    b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

    c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

    d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

    e) I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

    f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

    g) Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

    h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

    i) I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

    j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

    I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

    Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.

  2. #2
    Devil's Advocate Array RoadBlur's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    The slums of new west
    Suzuki XV 2182
    While I can't attest to the accuracy, thats one helluva comeback haha. Definitely my kind of humour.

  3. #3
    Formerly FURY Array Triplepete's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    2K9 ZX-6R
    It's amazing how far organized religion has come. Because of it there has not been a period of peace on earth for hundreds, if not thoudsands, of years. Now I'm not against any religion in particular, I just think that actions thru interpretations by some can be harmful for others. As for Dr. Laura, I'm sure she was successful in getting some attention in that show. And I'm glad to hear that someone is on the ball about the hypocracies of people and their beliefs and actions of certain religions.

    What's really ashame is that some children in the middle east will never grow old enough to contimplate ideas of religion.

    Your Anguish Sustains Me

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