EVER SPOKEN AND WISHED YOU HADN'T?
> > >
> > >
> > > Hair Salon
> > > I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
> > > loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I
> > > around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say
> > > word... he knew better.
> > > Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX
> > >
> > > The Pad
> > > An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage
> > > He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I wanted to
> > > as best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad.
> > > came back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest.
> > > Kathy Newman, 46, Winston-Salem, NC
> > >
> > > Toilet Paper
> > > I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom
> > > wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked
> > > adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots.They came out so
> > > well that I had copies made and included one with each of our
> > > cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing
> > > hysterically, and suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared
> > > the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I
> > > captured my reflection in the mirror - wearing nothing but a camera.
> > >
> > > Golf Balls
> > > I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
> > > unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
> > > minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who
> > > at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I
> > > him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
> > > Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI
> > >
> > > Nuts about You
> > > My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
> > > of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the
> > > counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking
> > > your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned,
> > > I turned beet-red and walked away.
> > > To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
> > > Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD
> > >
> > > Behave
> > > While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
> > > some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of
> > > after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I
> > > her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be
> > > To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
> > > threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma
> > > saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" the silence was deafening
> > > after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they
> > > doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank
> > > with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed
> > > behind me were screams of laughter.
> > > Amy Richardson,Stafford, Virginia
> > >
> > > Thumbtacks
> > > A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally
> > > up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag.
> > > Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and
> > > out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX
> > > SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store
> > > apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a
> > > business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU
> > > THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A
> > > HAMMER?"
> > > Diane E. Amov
> > >
> > > No Accident
> > > Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
> > > three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was
> > > him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in
> > > between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While
> > > my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my
> > > seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that
> > > had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to
> > > and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an
> > > accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny,
> > > you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW
> > > he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
> > > Soooooo! I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?"
> > > time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his
> > > and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked
> > > to death on their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and
> > > down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best
> > > they'd ever had!
> > >
> > > Inches
> > > This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
> > > embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think
> > > before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get
> > > any....a true story.. We had a female news anchor who, the day after
> > > was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and
> > > asked: So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not
> > > only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were
> > > laughing so hard!