The Chemical Woman/Man
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Thread: The Chemical Woman/Man

  1. #1

    The Chemical Woman/Man

    A Chemical Analysis

    Element : Women
    Symbol : Wo
    Discoverer : Adam
    Atomic Mass : Accepted at 53.6kg, but known to vary from 40 - 200kg
    Occurrences : Copious quantities in all urban areas


    1. Surface usually covered in painted film
    2. Boils at nothing; freezes w/o known reason
    3. Melts if given special treatment
    4. Bitter if incorrectly used
    5. Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore
    6. Yields if pressure applied in correct places


    1. Has great affinity for gold, silver, and a range of precious stones
    2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
    3. May explode spontaneously w/o prior warning and for no apparent reason
    4. Insoluble in liquids, but actively increases greatly in saturation of alcohol
    5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man


    1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars
    2. Can be a great aid to relaxation
    3. Very effective cleaning agent

    TESTS :

    1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state
    2. Turns green when placed beside a betta specimen


    1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
    2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other

    A Chemical Analysis

    Element : Man
    Symbol : Ma
    Discoverer : Eve (Discovered by accident when she had a craving for ribs.)
    Quantitative : Accepted at 7 inches though known to be as small as 4 inches.
    Occurrences : Often found near dual element Wo, usually in high concentrations surrounding a perfect Wo specimen.

    Physical Properties :

    1) surface is often covered with hair; bristly in some areas, soft in others.
    2) boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and Common Sense, melts when treated properly.
    3) can cause headaches
    4) tends to fall into very low energy state directly after reaction with Wo
    5) gains considerable mass and loses reactive nature, as specimen ages
    6) specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive to extremely thick.
    7) often damaged as a direct result of unlucky reaction with polluted form of the Wo common ore.

    Chemical Properties :

    1) all forms desire reaction with Wo, even when no further reaction is possible.
    2) may react with several Wo isotopes in a short period under extremly favorable conditions.
    3) most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to Wo.
    4) usually willing to react with whatever is available.
    5) will be fairly inert and repellant to most other elements when saturated with alcohol.
    6) is repelled by most common household appliances and cleansers.
    7) is repelled by small children in diapers, particularly those of the malodorous variety.
    8) is neutral to common courtesy and fairness.

    Storage :

    1) best results near 18 for high reaction rate, 25-35 for favorable reaction style.

    Uses :

    1) heavy boxes, top shelves, long walks late at night, free dinners for Wo.
    2) can be used in recreational activities.

    Tests :

    1) pure specimen will rarely reveal purity
    2) reacted specimens broadcast information on many wavelengths.


    1) may react extremely violently when another Ma interferes with reaction to a particular Wo specimen.

  2. #2
    Registered User Array
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    hahaah, yeah, i got the same forward by email from a friend before. funny and enlightening! kind of true in a lot of ways heh?

  3. #3
    And shepherds we shall be Array miraclejoe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Gixxer V2.1
    feminazy propaganda
    Absolute power corrupts absolutely.

    Quote Originally Posted by slingshot View Post
    Fascist oppressor.

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