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Thread: Therapy

  1. #1
    irregular Array bcmike's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    West of you
    VTR1000, DR650, TY250


    For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone - don't take it out on someone you know, take it
    out on someone you don't know.

    I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number, and dialed it.

    A man answered saying, "Hello?" I politely said, "This is Fred, could I please speak with Robin Carter?"

    He replied "Wrong number asshole" and the phone was slammed down on me.

    I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

    I tracked down Robin's correct number, and called her. (I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number.) After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an asshole!" and I hung up.

    I wrote his number down, with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.

    Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.

    When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see
    if you're familiar with the caller ID program?" He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole! "

    So, one day I was at the grocery store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off, and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been
    waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number.

    A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW asshole, too.

    I dialed and someone said, "Hello?" I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

    "Yes it is." "Can you tell me where I can see it?"

    "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and the car's parked right out front."

    "What's your name?" I asked.

    "My name is Don Hansen," he said.

    "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

    "I'm home every evening after five."

    "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"


    "Don, you're an asshole!"

    Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial.

    Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. But after several weeks of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.

    So, I came up with an idea: I called Asshole #1. "Hello?"

    "You're an asshole!" (but I didn't hang up).

    "Are you still there?" he asked.

    "Yeah," I said.

    "Stop calling me," he screamed.

    "Make me," I said.

    "Who are you? " he asked.

    "My name is Don Hansen."

    "Yeah? Where do you live?"

    "I live at 1802 West 34th Street, Asshole, a yellow house with my black BMW parked in front."

    He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

    I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole."

    Then I called asshole # 2: "Hello?" he said.

    "Hello Asshole," I said.

    He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

    "You'll what?" I said.

    "I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.

    I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

    Then, I hung up, and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

    Then, I called Channel 13 news about the gang war going down on West 34th Street.

    I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th St. There, I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and a TV news crew.

    Now, I feel better...

    Masquerading as a normal person, day after day, is exhausting....

  2. #2
    You gotta lean into it! Array InvisibleSoul's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Kawasaki Ninja Silver ZX1R Pocketbike (Matching ZX6R Stolen)

  3. #3
    GoPro Inspector Array FOXGURL's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2003
    LOL holy cow sounds like you're a real asshole...whats your number, I'll add it to my speed dial hahaha jk

  4. #4
    im gonna have to try this

    instead of being an ASSHOLE to telemarketers i prefer to either string them along or list of vegetables and the best thing is they dont usually hang up

  5. #5
    KEKEKEKE... I LOVED it...
    and Soul's smirk smiley was cute too.

  6. #6
    sweet dreams Array bike__gurl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    White Rock
    yes please
    That is bloody hilarious! If I wasn't such a nice girl I would definitely try that.
    "Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today." - James Dean

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