Stop Me If You Heard It....
So this bloke walks into a pub and sits down at the bar. The pet monkey that he has with him hops onto the bar and starts checking things out. After the man orders a pitcher for himself the bartender observes the monkey eating everything in site on the bar. He eats the peanuts, olives, pretzels etc. Till finally he reaches the cue ball on the pool table, he looks at it, then swallows it whole. The bartender says "OI, do you know that your monkey just ate everything on the bar, plus the cue ball?". Man says, "Yea, just put it all on my bill."
Two weeks later the same man returns to the bar, with the monkey. Again the monkey hops onto the bar, only this time he puts the peanuts and cherries and olives (etc.) up his arse, then he eats them. The bartender says, "That's sick! Do you see what your monkey is doing?". And the man says, "Yea, after the cue ball, he measures everything".