I am not normally a very skinny guy. I'm what you may call "husky". Somewhere between Michael Jackson-skinny and Oprah-fat. Over the period of the holidays, i have noticed a steady and alarming increase in the girth of my mid-section. Right now i have love-handles and jiggly belly made up of:
35% - Eggnog.
I have been drinking this stuff like a prison bitch! I am surprised i my urine isn't like 40W motor oil by now.
25% - Mashed potatoes, Turkey fixin's, etc.
Although, i only had one Christmas dinner, it was a doozy! I was done half my first plate before everyone was even served. (i hadn't eaten all day coz i didn't wanna ruin my appetite)
25% - Chocolate.
This shit is as addictive as crack. It sits there taunting me with its deliciousness. There's so much chocolate in me, they could re-wrap my poop and give it to poor kids and they wouldn't know the difference....other than the fact that the almonds are already chewed.
15% - Booze.
I am not a big drinker, usually. Just a beer or three from time to time. Cap'm Morgan was fighting a pirate's battle inside my belly a few times, and i wasn't always on the winning side. Some people don't like the way spiked nog goes down....well it ain't all kittens and roses coming back up, i'll tell you that much.
I know i am not the only one. Who else is working their heart like an over-stressed set of bagpipes?