I know I'm not the only one with this problem, hopefully one of you guys have solved it already.
I have 3 family cats, and they live outside. We have a fair amount of property, but these fuckers refuse to explore it. Instead, they park their little furry asses on the hood of my car. Or the roof. Or if they're bored, they use my windshield as a god damn slide. They've turned my car into their own amusement park. Normally I'd be fine with this, but the bastards don't even wipe their paws before jumping on.
I really, really want to "accidentaly relocate" them. I know for a fact these pussies KNOW they aren't supposed to be on there. The moment they spot me they boot it. Not before they leave their dirty tracks up and down my car though.
Any ideas? Remember I can't kill/move/blind them. Open to any other ideas though.