Darwin Awards
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Thread: Darwin Awards

  1. #1
    Is coming for you Array REAPER's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Planet Earth, most of the time

    Darwin Awards

    AWARDS 2003 It's that time again . . . . They are finally out!

    You all know about the Darwin Awards - It's an annual honor given to the person who did the
    gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way.

    Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke
    machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it.

    And the nominees are:

    Semifinalist #1

    A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk
    cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline
    with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into
    the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house
    down, killing both him and his sister.

    Semifinalist #2

    Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low
    altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the
    occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed.
    They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.

    Semifinalist #3

    A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried
    to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle.
    Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these
    straps together wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the e other end to
    the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a
    police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car
    was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater
    than the distance between the trestle and the ground," Carmichael said. Police
    say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."

    Semifinalist #4

    A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that
    he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a
    ball. The friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was hospitalized.

    Semifinalist #5

    Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed
    the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building
    extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc.. After
    the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched.
    Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the
    dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later
    described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving
    an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the
    lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three
    miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually
    untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast
    had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.

    And the winner . ..

    The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded into
    the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The wreckage
    resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was
    unidentifiable at the scene. The lab finally figured out what it was and
    what had happened. It seems that a guy had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet
    Assisted Take Off - actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy
    military transport planes an extra "push" for taking off from short airfields. He
    had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long and straight
    stretch of road. Then he attached the JATO unit to his car, jumped in, got
    up some! speed and fired off the JATO! The facts as best as could be determine are
    that the operator of the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of
    approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. This was established by the
    prominent scorched and melted asphalt! at that location. The JATO, if operating
    properly, would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the
    Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuing at full power for an
    additional 20-25 seconds. The driver and soon to be pilot, most likely
    would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under
    full afterburners, causing him to become insignificant for the remainder of the
    event. However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5
    miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes,
    blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then
    becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face
    at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock. Most
    of the driver's remains were not recoverable; however, small fragments of
    bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater and fingernail and bone
    shards were! e removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the
    steering wheel.
    A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg, even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.

    Is livin life. Good or bad, whatever happens, happens.

  2. #2
    The good days... Array Deputy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    A ---> B
    I often think the Darwins are made up. They're just too...unbelievable sometimes.
    Bike's sold - still have some gear left!

  3. #3
    Registered User Array jonesboy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    New West
    '09 Bandit SEA
    Those aren't the "Official" Darwin awards... the JATO booster story has been floating around for years and years.


  4. #4
    Three hour tour guide Array silverD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    '08 Varadero
    Yeah, the one about the Gas Co. guys, #5, has got to be BS. I worked for a Gas Utility for years. No one would have ever done that!!

    Before entering they would have done a test of the atmosphere and known if it was explosive or not, worn the proper breathing gear if required and would have most certainly had X proof flashlights.

    Gas Utilities are some of the most safety aware businesses in existance.

    Funny to think about though ..
    I'm not addicted! and I'm not quitting!!
    Heeere's your sign...

    ...and "always" look on the bright side of life...

  5. #5
    I do all my own stunts Array boarder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    only 1 bike now, '02 gsxr750

    i didn't see any of those for 2003
    anyone wanna lend me a bike ?

  6. #6
    Also, even if any of these are true, #1 violates the darwin awards stipulation that no bystanders can be hurt.

  7. #7
    Born to be WILD Array Tmustang's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Port Coquitlam
    2002 Honda CBR 954RR
    Its all for a laugh even if its true or not.
    Tmustang you are clear for take off

  8. #8
    Straight Clowning Array
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    M1....................yeah right
    Where did this Darwin awards originated from?

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