A teacher gave her fifth-grade class an assignment:
Have their parents tell them a story with a moral. The next day the kids came to class and one by one told their stories...
Kathy raised her hand first and said, "We live on a farm and we have hens that lay eggs for market. Once we were taking a basket of eggs to market on the front seat of the pick-up and we hit a big bump in the road. The eggs went flying and broke all over everything. The moral to that story is... "Don't put all of your eggs in one basket."
"Very good!" said the teacher.
Then little Lucy raised her hand and said, "We live on a farm, too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs once but when they hatched, we only got ten live chicks. The moral to that story is... "Don't count your chickens before they are hatched."
"That was a fine example," replied the teacher.
"Johnny, I believe you had your hand up next."
"Yes Ma'am. My daddy told me that my Aunt Marilyn was a flight engineer during Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory. All she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun, and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't get broken, and then she landed right in the middle of a 100 enemy soldiers. She killed 70 of them with the machine gun. She ran out of bullets, so she killed 20 more with the machete before the blade broke off. Then she killed the last 10 with her bare hands."
"Good heavens!" said the horrified teacher. "What did your daddy tell you was the moral to that terrible story?"
"You better not fuck with Aunt Marilyn when she's been drinking! "