5 things you would do to your girlfriend, but never to your bike!
1)Dump her, and feel good about it.
2)Let someone else ride her.
3)Put foreign objects in her tail pipe.
4)Keep her chained up in a dark damp storage locker.
5)Leave her alone in bad part of town.(eg hastings/main)
Just a quick list i thought of, feel free to add to it.