67 Ways To Be Annoying
1- In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
2- Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
3- Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public
consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
4- If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while
talking to others.
5- Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
6- Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch
paper, 99 copies.
7- Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
8- Sniffle incessantly.
9- Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
10- Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
11- Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace."
12- Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was
a "real hoot."
13- Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them
to your boss.
14- Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people
play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
15- Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with
16- Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
17- Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing
awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any
18- Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your
19- Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal
Howard Cosell voice.
20- Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and
insist to others that you "like it that way."
21- Staple papers in the middle of the page.
22- Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
23- Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright
24- Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.
25- Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
26- Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
27- Honk and wave to strangers.
28- Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
29- Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
30- Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of
31- Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their
complimentary mints by the cash register.
32- ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
33- only type in lowercase.
34- dont use any punctuation either
35- Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole
36- Pay for your dinner with pennies.
37- Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
38- Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
39- Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's
40- Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?"
"What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
41- Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
42- At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
43- As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
44- Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
45- Pretend your computers mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
46- Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of
your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and
47- Ask people what gender they are. When they answer, laugh hysterically.
48- Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts
back in the tray.
49- Hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as
"Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
50- While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a
51- Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
52- Change your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being
first in the phone book, claim its a Hawaiian name, and demand that
people pronounce each "a."
53- Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see
if they slow down.
54- Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
55- Title it "67 Ways to be Annoying" - but only put 55