Divorce letter
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Thread: Divorce letter

  1. #1
    Regular Array tostitos's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    2001 gsxr 750

    Divorce letter

    Dear Connie,

    I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other
    during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you
    left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded
    little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make
    contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as
    one of us does.

    Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is
    what my heart says: "There's no one like you, Connie." I look for you in the
    eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close. Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingos and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation.

    She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth
    and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect
    body. Tits like you wouldn't believe and an ass that just wouldn't quit.
    Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this
    stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives.
    It's all so superficial.

    What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in
    this case, yes, but you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better
    person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Connie?
    I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I don't know,
    maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'd tossed her about a
    half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so
    drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty,
    shameless hunger, but something else. Some nagging feeling of loss. Why did
    it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because
    you weren't there to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Connie, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you.

    Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at the Holiday Inn lounge last
    year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she
    figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she
    meant till later, but that's not the real story.

    Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know, we're
    banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the
    sack. She's giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when
    she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can
    hear us. And all of a sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on your
    grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it,
    right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad,
    too. Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Connie ever put the mirror on
    the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used
    it as a sex toy."

    Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I
    mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her
    shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's
    given me lots of good advice about you and about women in general. She's
    pulling for us to get back together, Connie, she really is. So we're doing
    Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about happier times. Here's
    this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how
    much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me

    And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing, that gets me
    to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how
    that probably fueled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how
    even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I
    can do is think of you? It's true, Connie. In your heart you must know it.
    Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances away
    and start fresh? I think we can. If you feel the same please, please,
    please let me know.

    Otherwise, can you let me know where the fucking remote is.

    Love, Dan.
    I don't have an attitude problem; you have a perception problem.

  2. #2
    Registered User Array RLJ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Not yet.

  3. #3
    just call me baldy Array diggler132's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Around here
    fat and japanese
    Poor guy he sounds totally wrecked.

  4. #4

  5. #5
    Bohica Array Madman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    CBR600F4i SOLD!
    very bad, yet at the same time so good

  6. #6
    Oh where was this letter afew years ago whenme andthe missus pulled the pin

  7. #7

  8. #8
    Repost. Still good but i read this here like a year ago i think

  9. #9
    Bushido Array Valoroursness's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Victoria B.C.
    heh, that was awesome
    Only the strong survive.

  10. #10
    Registered User Array scubaphil's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    99 R6
    yeah read this before but it was soo soso good..
    If jack helped you off a horse would you help jack off a horse??

    You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.

  11. #11
    Registered User Array SpideRider's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2002
    Fraser Valley
    Cry in the dojo, laugh on the battlefield
    Sparring speed is a matter of simple physics:
    The height of your flight is inversely proportionate to the mass of your ass.

  12. #12
    Shooter of People Array Tekk13's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    04 GSXR 600
    It's like watching Star Wars again for the first time. Classics are meant to be repeated.
    ~Never Before Has Overshooting Been So Easy~

    yellow bikes will rule the world


  13. #13
    You like popsicles? Array Hogie's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2004
    T-Saw, BC
    It's a letter so outrageous it has to be true!

  14. #14
    That was F#$KIN' hillarious!!

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