20 Biker Commandments
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Thread: 20 Biker Commandments

  1. #1
    Poser Emeritus Array bill's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Lower Mainland

    20 Biker Commandments

    Marsha Hall posted this to the Iron Butt Finisher's List. There is a lot of
    wisdom in this humor:

    1. Every ride is optional. Every parking job is mandatory.

    2. If you push the bars left, the bike goes left. If you push the bars
    right, the bike goes right. That is, unless you continue pushing the bars
    all the way, the bike will go down.

    3. Riding isn't dangerous. Crashing is dangerous.

    4. It's always better to be on the sidelines wishing you were on the track
    than on the track wishing you were on the sidelines.

    5. The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

    6. The rear wheel is just a big fan on back of the bike used to keep the
    rider cool and his butt relaxed. If going into a corner too fast, slamming
    on the rear brake causes the "fan" to abruptly stop. When this happens you
    can actually see the rider start sweating and his butt become tense.

    7. When in doubt, slow down. No one has ever hit something too slow.

    8. A good ride is one from which you can walk away. A great ride is one
    after which you can use the bike again.

    9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all
    of them yourself.

    10. You know you've left the sidestand down when all left turn are
    Bat-turns. You know you've left the centerstand down when you're in 1st gear
    at 4000 rpm going nowhere.

    11. Never let an motorcycle take you somewhere your brain didn't get to
    three seconds earlier.

    12. Always try to keep the number of times you put your sidestand down equal
    to the number of times you put the sidestand up.

    13. There are two simple rules for riding smoothly and fast in snow and on
    ice. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.

    14. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The
    trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.

    15. If all you can see in your mirrors is sparks and all you can hear is
    screaming from your passenger, things may not be as they should be.

    16. In the ongoing battle between objects made of metal, rubber and
    fiberglass going 100+ miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per
    hour, the ground has yet to lose. Same holds for cars, large trucks, and
    animals taller than you. Draws don't count.

    17. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience
    usually comes from bad judgment.

    18. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.

    19. Remember, gravity and centrifical force aren't just a good ideas.
    They're laws and aren't subject to appeal.

    20. The two most useless things to a rider are the braking distance behind
    you and nine-tenths of a second ago.

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  3. #2
    Flieger sind Sieger! Array
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    04 Supersquid 750
    Thanks for posting the wisdom, Bill, I particularly like #9.

  4. #3
    My Twitter: SH1FTG34R Array Sykk_KiLL's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Surrey, B.C
    2008 Yamaha R6
    5. The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.


  5. #4
    Moderator Array jeckyll's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Kawasaki Land Rover and a liter-twin
    Good stuff. Except for #7. Sometimes it simply safer to go faster.

  6. #5
    ...... Array Team Green 9R's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all
    of them yourself.

    I like that one...lol

  7. #6
    18. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.

    Definitely good advice for street riding!

  8. #7
    Stupid bastard Array Hu99's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    '07 BMW K1200R
    Quote Originally Posted by bill
    14. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The
    trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.
    My favourite.
    What was it all about?

  9. #8
    xGperformance Array jsx's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    08 GSXR 750
    gotta add the disc brake locks on there too =P
    i need money =(

  10. #9
    That new bike smell Array mondocycle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Great read. Lots of truth and funny as hell.
    Log off and ride.
    Acta Virum Probant

  11. #10
    Registered User Array mikeelliot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Fraser Valley
    Good stuff!

  12. #11
    Registered User Array SpideRider's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2002
    Fraser Valley
    Definitely needs the bike lock addition.
    Cry in the dojo, laugh on the battlefield
    Sparring speed is a matter of simple physics:
    The height of your flight is inversely proportionate to the mass of your ass.

  13. #12
    Twin B Array VTR_Rider's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Konker KPX 125
    Have you seen these lists? (ripped from speed insider: http://insider.speedtv.com/viewtopic...918576ea7c66dc)

    You might be a racer if . . .

    ...you know how to properly pronounce "Criville"
    ...you walk proper lines through the grocery store with the cart.
    ...you've ever had to explain the term "pucker factor".
    ...you've paid $5.00 a gallon for gas without complaining.
    ...your idea of a decent sort of house to buy is one with a basement and a big garage, a downhill driveway so you can bump-start your racebike, and a working toilet on the property somewhere.
    ...you bought a race bike before buying a house.
    ...you bought a race bike before buying furniture for the new house.
    ...you're looking for a bike transport vehicle and still haven't bought furniture!
    ...you hear "overcooked it" and think "off the track" instead of "Denny's".
    ...you sit on your race bike in the garage and make bike noises and shift and practice your throttle blipping/braking, while waiting for your motor to get back from the shop.
    ...you look at the purchase of tools as a long term investment.
    ...at least one of your children was conceived at a race track.
    ...your garage has more bikes than your house has bedrooms.
    ...you have enough spare parts to build another bike
    ...you have bike parts in your cubicle at work
    ...you registered for wedding gifts at Marietta Motorsports
    ...after your answer to "How was your weekend?" the next question is always: "And you do this for fun? Right?"
    ...you've ported your 2-stroke lawn mower, chain saw, or weed eater
    ...your reading material in your bathroom consists of a 1-888-FASTLAP catalog, and 400 bike magazines, none of which have centerfolds.
    ...some people only know you by your racing class & bike number
    ...your first date involves asking her to crew for you.
    ...you plan your wedding around the race schedule.
    ...you complain when cars in front of you on highway off-ramps don't stay on the line, causing your exit speed to drop.
    ...you tell a friend you need to clean up the head this weekend and they think you mean the toilet.
    ...you gladly pay $9 for a bottle of engine oil.
    ...you hate long distance driving, but gladly drive 800 miles to the race track.
    ...you save broken bike parts as "momentos".
    ...you've found your lawnmower runs pretty good on 108 octane gas
    ...you've got 3 immaculate race bikes always race ready, but your wife has to nag you for 2 months before you fix the headlight in her car.

    How to tell your a sport bike junkie..

    10. You can quote all of your bikes specs, but can't remember your anniversary.
    9. You take the long way everywhere and still get there first.
    8. You define "fourplay" as a 50 mile street ride.
    7. You brake so late you don't see God you see Elvis.
    6. You get a tell-tale facial tick every year at new model time.
    5. You measure all purchases in terms of the number of tires you could have bought.
    4. You have only motorcycle shops programmed into your speed dialer.
    3. You use racing lines when pushing a shopping cart at the grocery store.
    2. You consider 10,000 rpm "midrange".
    1. You refer to the corner at the end of your street "Turn One".

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