don't quote me...
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Thread: don't quote me...

  1. #1
    blue owl

    don't quote me...

    don't quote me...
    don't quote me....

    "It's so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom."
    Joan Rivers.

    "If it wasn't for pick-pockets and frisking at airports I'd have no
    life at all."
    Rodney Dangerfield.

    "Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural
    experiences that money can buy."
    Steve Martin.

    "My girlfriend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I
    said,'that's a big word for a girl of fifteen'."
    Emo Philips.

    "My wife is a sex object. Everytime I ask for sex, she objects."
    Les Dawson.

    "I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own."
    Woody Allen.

    "I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people.
    Between five, it's fantastic."
    Woody Allen.

    "There are a number of mechanical devices that increase sexual
    arousal, particularly in women. Chief amongst these is the Mercedes-Benz
    380L convertible."Unknown.

    "You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older.
    Little things like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman:
    Stuff you pay good money for in later life."
    Emo Philips.

    "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I
    like and just give her a house."
    Steven Seagal.

    "See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and
    only enough blood to run one at a time."
    Robin Williams.

    "What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?"
    Marilyn Pittman.

    "If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators
    would be dead."
    Johnny Carson.

    "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
    Paul Rodriguez.

    "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty,
    and that's the law."
    Jerry Seinfeld.

    "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same."
    Oscar Wilde.

    "Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children".

  2. #2
    Moderator Array TeeTee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    Out to pasture in the 'Wack
    04 Kawi Z1000,
    Good ones all. Lotta laughs there.....

    A backyard mechanic without a service manual is just like a hooker without a lamp pole.... they are both in the dark.

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