don't quote me...
don't quote me....
"It's so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom."
"If it wasn't for pick-pockets and frisking at airports I'd have no
life at all."
"Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural
experiences that money can buy."
"My girlfriend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I
said,'that's a big word for a girl of fifteen'."
"My wife is a sex object. Everytime I ask for sex, she objects."
"I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own."
"I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people.
Between five, it's fantastic."
"There are a number of mechanical devices that increase sexual
arousal, particularly in women. Chief amongst these is the Mercedes-Benz
"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older.
Little things like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman:
Stuff you pay good money for in later life."
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I
like and just give her a house."
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and
only enough blood to run one at a time."
"What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?"
"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators
would be dead."
"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
"My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty,
and that's the law."
"Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same."
"Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children".