laguna conspiracy theory....
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Thread: laguna conspiracy theory....

  1. #1
    phantom menace

    laguna conspiracy theory....

    Laguna Cospiracy Theory!!!
    This was from an FZ-1 forum:

    Laguna Cospiracy Theory
    The race was fixed. We were in the bleachers outside turn four. A whole bunch of us struck up this conversation about a fix even before the race finished. Here's one possibility...

    (Scene: in the Yamaha garage, roughly twenty minutes before the sighting lap for the MotoGP race. Valentino motions Colin over to the corner of the garage just out of everyone's earshot)

    VALE: Colin, diss eess a beddy important race for Amedica, yes?

    COLIN: ****in-A, man. I sure hope I can clear off from Nicky so I can finish second to you, V.

    VALE: Dat eess why I call to you to come. I have Beeeg plan for you. (stretches arms wide) Closer to me. Nobody to hear, OK?

    COLIN: (Leans in) What's up?

    VALE: I have beddy beeg points from Marco. Maybe sixty-one ahead. I wish to go cool and give you de race if you can catch Nicky. He eess beddy fast. You catch, you pass, you win, OK?

    COLIN: (Shouts) Shit Fire! You'd do that for me? (slaps thigh)

    VALE: Hey! Beddy quiet for plan is good, OK?

    COLIN: (whispers) Riiiight, sorry.

    VALE: You go catch Nicky. Have good time. MotoGP get big in Amedica from you. You get famous and rich and buy Texas, Yes?

    COLIN: (shouts again) ****in-A! Let's go! (Gives Valentino a forearm to the shoulder. Valentino trips over a pile of shop rags and farts as he gets up. Colin laughs so hard he shoots a booger out his left nostril.)

    VALE: De pasta primavera, eet always make me do dis!

    COLIN: (Yells) Hey, everybody! Valentino just shit his leathers!

    During the race, Nicky motors away like he's shot from a cannon. Valentino rides at seven-tenths, and waits for habitual bad starter Colin to catch up. Colin sails past at eleven-tenths as Valentino mulls over what to have for dinner and which one of his umbrella girls will get a pearl necklace before bedtime. Valentino falls 3.5 seconds back as Colin tries to crawl under the paint in an effort to catch Nicky, who is doing an admirable job of lighting the afterburners every time the gap shrinks to under two seconds.

    With two laps to go, Valentino gets startled awake by an air horn as he crests the ridge leading up to the Corkscrew. As he shakes the cobwebs out and yawns, he sees Colin ahead, too far from Nicky to make a run of any significance.

    VALE: (Thinking) Colin, Colin, Colin, you are a beeg Amedican ****-up. Now I have to go and make up for your, uh, how do you say....uh, imcompetence. Mister Yamaha ees at de track! How do you let thees happen?

    The race results are as posted. Valentino, realizing an American one-two would be good press fodder, closes on Colin just enough to let him know who the alpha rider still is. Colin arrives at the podium so drenched with sweat he looks pressurized. Valentino, however, looks like he just got done watching a movie in his motorhome.

    After the hoopla of post-race interviews dies down and the crowd disperses, the two teammates cross paths as the MotoGP circus folds up the tents.

    COLIN: Hey, man, I want to thank you for that chance. Man, that little shit Nicky is faster than I thought. I tried, man. About next year, do you think--

    VALE: Don't talk to me.

  2. #2
    Been there, Wrecked that! Array CrashTested's Avatar
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  3. #3
    anyone notice how little interaction there was between valeninto and nicky after the race? colin was all over nicky like they were going steady. valentino tried to give nicky some props on the track, but nicky was too busy with the fist pumping to acknowledge it.

    maybe there is some nascar-style fighting going on. remember, rubbin's racin'!

  4. #4
    Registered User Array Xander's Avatar
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    Oh man, that was a great read first thing in the morning!

    I thought Rossi looked like he was a little too least more than usual.

  5. #5
    Moderator Array flowrider's Avatar
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    Good read. I agree with Xander. Rossi looked like he could have chased and passed at anytime. I didn't see him push so hard at anytime during the race that he ran wide on any corner. He was definitely running well within himself.
    Flowbie- Mellowing with age...

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  6. #6
    AKA Newfie Girl Array Newfie Girl's Avatar
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    Rossi complained about the track A LOT, called it a death trap, was not happy to be there from what I understood. Whether he hung back because it was not an overly important race for him or whether he just gave up, who knows, but he sure complained about it.

  7. #7
    Ride to you limits Array clutch's Avatar
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    Feb 2003
    Lower mainland why who wants to know???
    To big and to fast for you
    Too Funny...BUt Very Plausable....
    I heard thAt Rossie dident whant to performe because the USA diden't deserv his talent

  8. #8
    Addicted to two wheels Array rscudiver's Avatar
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    It's intersting to see guys who are used to the track, Like Colin and Nicky because the raced there before, do really well. There's a reason why guys like Rossi, Biaggi and Gibernau do well on the other tracks. They grew up there and raced there all there lives. I wonder what Rossi's lap times would be like in Mission with a stock exhaust?

  9. #9
    Moderator Array Mighty Kentor's Avatar
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    I realize it's a humor post, but I must interject a big "Not a chance." for that scenario.



    Reformatted to fit your screen.

  10. #10
    its closer now Array SILVER_6R's Avatar
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    NONE--911 C2
    ehhh...yamahaaaa bike ok today... ehh tank you micheleen...ehh track ok....i try to catch Nicky..he to fast...but ok. we get first again soon. amedica only chance to win..soo ok is good.

    tank you yamaha, micheleen
    R.I.P. Dan and Cody

    Forever in my mind, forever in my thoughts, forever in my heart

  11. #11
    not likely formally fixed ,,but holy shit that was the worse race i have ever seen .BOring as all HELL .Looked like everyone was holding back a little and they only got to about 260km in 5th ,f -all for passing or exitement hardly at all. ,Im sure if i was there it would have been more interesting ,but i actually changed the channel watching it it was so lame.Too bad for nicky thou thats gonna be his only win for at least a year and a half .Hayden knows that track like the back of his hand so it was inevitable and Rossi looked bored and a little worried .I said from the begining HAYden wil lwin if he doesnt crash ,,,damn i should have bet someone .
    .If ROSSI crashes and breaks his leg or something there goes the season .and for what ? one race on a track hes been on for 4hrs .watch next year a BOYCOTT by a bunch of teams and racers ,,Good for the US ,,but as far as i saw didnt do much for the season .At least more nascar fans can be swayed out of the left turn .

    .."ehhh i not want to ehhh cddrash de bike,,ehhhhh becauuz ehhh de paint is ehh preddi guud ,and ehhhh give de fans in amedica a win ,,ehh is good no?

  12. #12
    a stronger case for conspiracy would be to have hopkins and roberts podium.

    rossi: someone push de zooks ahed of mee, i will try to catch, but not so fast. someone pour more redbull in de tanks! dey need da weeengs!

  13. #13
    Shiftless clutcher Array ZoomaFoo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rscudiver
    It's intersting to see guys who are used to the track, Like Colin and Nicky because the raced there before, do really well. There's a reason why guys like Rossi, Biaggi and Gibernau do well on the other tracks. They grew up there and raced there all there lives. I wonder what Rossi's lap times would be like in Mission with a stock exhaust?
    Hayden and Edwards do have tons more track time at Laguna, granted, but part of Rossi's job (and that of any champion) is to learn new tracks quicker than anyone else. We may never know exactly why Rossi was unable to match Nicky's pace at Laguna, but it did genuinely seem like Hayden was on a mission right from the get-go on Friday morning. Rossi played around in the lower half of the top ten until the last few minutes of qualifying, when he shot up to second place. I'd sure love to know Rossi's thoughts during the race. Maybe it was a genuine fear (hate?) of the track, especially since he's got a comfortable lead in the championship. Usually, the fact that he doesn't need to win a particular race doesn't stop him from going all-out, but maybe he did play it safe this time. Would be hard to believe, though, since we all know how hard he'll try to win a race -- Jerez, for instance.
    "When in doubt, FLAT OUT!"

  14. #14
    Two Wheeled Dictator Array Fidel Castro's Avatar
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    Well, Rossi even said in his post race interview that he thought he could have passed Colin and gone for Hayden but he had visions of both Yamaha's in the dirt so he laid back. If it was anyone other than Colin in front of him and if Hayden was second in the points, Rossi would have gone for it and won or crashed trying.
    Do an Iron Butt ride..... your bike deserves it.

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