A Few More Funnies
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Thread: A Few More Funnies

  1. #1
    Registered User Array GhostFlame_zx7r's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Port Coquitlam
    2002 Honda 954RR; 2011 Suzuki Vstrom 650

    A Few More Funnies

    Two Woodpeckers

    A Hawaiian Woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were arguing about which place had the toughest trees.
    The Hawaiian woodpecker said that they had a tree that no woodpecker could peck. The Canadian woodpecker challenged him and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem.
    The Hawaiian woodpecker was in awe.
    The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Hawaiian woodpecker to peck a Canadian tree that was absolutely unpeckable.
    The Hawaiian woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge.
    After flying to Canada, the Hawaiian woodpecker successfully pecked the tree with no problem.
    The two woodpeckers were now confused. How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Hawaiian tree and the Hawaiian woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree when neither one was able to peck the tree in their own country?

    After much woodpeckering, they both came to the same conclusion:

    Your pecker is always harder when you're away from home.

    Flat Tummy

    A little boy walks into his parents room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom see's her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dress's quickly and goes to find him. The son see's his mom and asks' "What were you and dad doing?"
    The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."
    "You're wasting your time." says the boy.
    "Why is that?" asked him mom, puzzled.
    "Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

    A Condom

    Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
    Maude: What in the hell is that?
    Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
    Maude: Where did you get it?
    Mabel: You can get them at any drugstore.
    The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
    The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.
    "Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."
    LIFES A BITCH...... Then you just do it all over again

  2. #2
    Moderator Array jeckyll's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Kawasaki Land Rover and a liter-twin
    I like that last one

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