how to poop at werk.
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  1. #1
    phantom menace

    how to poop at werk.

    not sure if this is a repost , but it's funny !!

    *Rules of pooing at work*

    As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORKPOO
    is inevitable. For those who hate pooing at work, following is
    the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.

    CROP DUSTING -- When farting, you walk briskly around the
    office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets
    a whiff but doesn't know where it came from.
    Be careful when you do this. Do not stop
    until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make
    sure the
    smell has left your pants.

    FLY BY -- The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooing.
    Walk in and check for other pooers. If there are others in the
    bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT
    People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the


    ESCAPEE -- A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the
    urinal or forcing a poo in a cubicle. This is usually
    accompanied by a sudden wave
    of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it.
    Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the
    farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes
    an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke
    or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

    JAILBREAK -- When forcing a poo, several farts slip out at a
    machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhoea or
    a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic.
    Remain in the cubicle until everyone has left the bathroom to spare
    the awkwardness of what just occurred.

    COURTESY FLUSH -- The act of flushing the toilet the instant
    the poo hits the water. This reduces the amount of airtime the poo
    has to stink up the bathroom.
    This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK

    WALK OF SHAME -- Walking from the cubicle, to the sink, to the
    door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a
    very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As
    with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be
    avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

    OUT OF THE CLOSET POOER -- A colleague who poos at work and is
    proud of it.
    You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooer enter the bathroom
    with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around
    the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooer before entering the bathroom.

    THE POOING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N) -- A group of co-workers who
    band together to ensure emergency pooing goes off without
    incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of
    Out Of The Closet Pooers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

    SAFE HAVENS -- A seldom-used bathroom somewhere in the building
    where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are
    predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of
    a pooer of your sex entering the bathroom.

    TURD BURGLAR -- Someone who does not realise that you are in
    the cubicle and tries to force the door open.
    This is one of the most shocking and
    vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poo at work. If
    this occurs, remain in the cubicle until the Turd Burglar
    leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

    CAMO-COUGH -- A phoney cough that alerts all new entrants into
    the bathroom that you are in a cubicle. This can be used to
    cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars.
    Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

    ASTAIRE -- A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential
    Turd Burglars that you are occupying a cubicle. This will
    remove all doubt that the cubicle is occupied. If you hear
    an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooer can poo in

    WATERMELON -- A poo that creates a loud splash when hitting the
    toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you
    feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

    HAVANAOMELET -- A case of diarrhoea that creates a series of
    loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an
    Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

    UNCLE TED -- A bathroom user who seems to linger around
    forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the
    mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult
    to relax while on the crapper,
    as you should always wait to poo when the bathroom is empty. This
    benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

  2. #2

    Well i do it in the bush~ with the bears

  3. #3
    . Array
    Join Date
    May 2005
    LOLOL SO GOOD! missed a few things tho...

    1. The Pre-flush: flush the toilet before you even use it just to make sure. You never know, there could be leftover pee thats not yellow at all.

    2. The save-your-ass (literally): cover the toilet seat with toilet paper NO MATTER WHAT, even if its poking out you still gotta take the time to cover it, dont want someone elses ass particles transferring to your ass.

    3. The Anti-splash: throw some unused tp into the bowl before you do anything, helps to cradle the poop on its entry into the water.

    **BONUS** Remember, pooing is a sensitive subject with many people. Pooing can get you out of many situations for any length of time. When I'm at work and feelin' lazy, ill take a 15 min 'poop'. Nobodie's gonna say anything! try it! but make sure you still preflush and lay down TP on the seat, sometimes the fake poops turn into real ones when you sit there for that long with your pants down.

  4. #4
    Big Stick
    you gotta love getting paid for takin a crap while at work, i try to save them for work.

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