Liberals... bah
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Thread: Liberals... bah

  1. #1
    Registered User Array ride365's Avatar
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    Jun 2004

    Liberals... bah

    While vacationing on a ranch, Paul Martin gets thrown from his horse, lands on a rattlesnake, gets bitten and dies because the

    emergency room at the nearest hospital is too understaffed to treat him in time.

    So his soul arrives in Heaven and he is met by St. Peter at

    the Pearly Gates.

    "Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you

    settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a Liberal around these parts, so we're not sure what to do with you."

    "No problem, just let me in; I'm a believer." says Martin.

    "I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders

    from the Man Himself.

    He says you have to spend one day in Hell and one

    day in Heaven. Then you must choose where you'll live for eternity."

    "But, I've already made up my mind, I want to be

    in Heaven," replied Martin".

    "I'm sorry, but we have our rules." And with that,

    St. Peter escorts him to an elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell.

    The doors open and he finds himself in the middle

    of a lush golf course; the sun is shining in a cloudless sky, the temperature a perfect 72 degrees.

    In the distance is a beautiful clubhouse.

    Standing in front of it is his Dad, and thousands

    of other Liberals who had helped him out over the years---Pierre Trudeau, Jean Marchand, Pelletier, St Laurent etc.

    The whole of the "center Left" was there, everyone laughing, happy, and casually but expensively dressed. They run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had getting rich at the expense of 'suckers and peasants.' They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar.

    The Devil himself comes up to Martin with a frosty

    drink, "Have a Margarita and relax, Paul!"

    "Uh, I can't drink anymore, I took a pledge," says

    Martin, dejectedly.

    "This is Hell, son. You can drink and eat all you

    want and not worry, and it just gets better from there!"

    Martin takes the drink and finds himself liking

    the Devil, who he thinks is a really very friendly guy who tells funny jokes like himself, and pulls hilarious nasty pranks, kind of like they pulled on the GST and Free Trade promises.

    They are having such a great time that, before he realizes it,

    it's time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and

    waves as Martin steps on the elevator and heads upward.

    When the elevator door reopens, he is in Heaven

    again and St. Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven,"the old man says, opening the gate.

    So for 24 hours Martin is made to hang out with a

    bunch of honest, good-natured people who enjoy each other's

    company, talk about things other than money, and treat each other decently. Not a nasty prank or frat boy joke among them; no fancy country clubs and, while the food tastes great,

    it's not caviar or lobster. And these people are

    all poor, he doesn't see anybody he knows, and he isn't even treated like someone special!

    "Whoa," he says uncomfortably to himself. "Pierre

    Trudeau never prepared me for this!"

    The day done, St. Peter returns and says, "Well,

    you've spent a day in Hell

    and a day in Heaven. Now choose where you want to

    live for eternity."

    With the 'Jeopardy' theme playing softly in the

    background, Martin reflects

    for a minute, then answers: "Well, I would never

    have thought I'd say this -- I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all

    -- but I really think I belong in Hell with my friends."

    So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he

    goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell.

    The doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren scorched earth covered with garbage and toxic industrial waste, kind of like Sudbury.

    He is horrified to see all of his friends, dressed in rags and chained together, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags.

    They are groaning and moaning in pain, faces and

    hands black with grime.

    The Devil comes over to Martin and puts an arm

    around his shoulder.

    "I don't understand," stammers a shocked Martin,

    "Yesterday I was here and

    there was a golf course and a clubhouse and we ate

    lobster and caviar, drank booze. We lazed around and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and everybody looks miserable!".

    The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly, and purrs,

    "Yesterday we were campaigning; today you voted for us!"

  2. #2
    move to funnies?

  3. #3
    You go squish now! Array mli35's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Rhubarbed.....RIP GPZ
    Now that's a happy ending!
    A bad day of riding is, still better than a good day of work.

  4. #4
    Registered User Array SpideRider's Avatar
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    Jul 2002
    Fraser Valley
    Cry in the dojo, laugh on the battlefield
    Sparring speed is a matter of simple physics:
    The height of your flight is inversely proportionate to the mass of your ass.

  5. #5
    Happy Camper Array BlackScorpion's Avatar
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    GSX-R750, 2001 F4i, 2002 RM-9 Posts:1,000,012!!
    I love the Sudbury poke. Great read. :O)
    Team Troll
    "Happy New Ear!" - Mike Tyson.

  6. #6
    Funbuster Array justice's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    British Columbia
    1989 CBR600F "For Sale"
    Quote Originally Posted by mli35
    Now that's a happy ending!
    The first sentance was pretty happy too!
    ay mio, tu eres un pendejo.

  7. #7
    Gangster Of Love Array Gawd's Avatar
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    Jun 2005
    2006 GSXR 1000
    Guess im not a huge fan of political humor, but it was too long, and not all that funny.

    “Never trade the thrills of living for the security of existence”.

    Don't Get Shot In The Back!

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