Police Quips & Quotes:
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Thread: Police Quips & Quotes:

  1. #1
    blue owl

    Police Quips & Quotes:


    "The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll
    stretch out after you wear them awhile."

    "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

    "So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that
    means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

    "Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I
    don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the
    shift supervisor?"

    "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to
    do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

    "The answer to this last question will determine whether
    you are drunk or not.
    Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"

    "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets
    a toaster oven."

    "Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid."

    "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have
    quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we

    "Just how big were those two beers?

    "In God we trust, all others are suspects."

    New Miranda rights:
    You have the right to remain motionless or you may elect
    to run.
    Should you decide to run, I shall direct my K-9 to chase
    you down to the ends of the earth. You have the right to
    have your lawyer run with you.
    Should he refuse, a recent Law School graduate will be
    appointed by the court to jog along with you. If while
    running, you suddenly decide to end the race, beware that my
    K-9 may or may not understand your intentions, and may
    continue his pursuit of you in full stride. You may stop
    running at any time, at your own risk. Good luck. On your
    mark, get set... GO!

    Caught for speeding
    The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for
    speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you
    all day," the cop said.
    The guy replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I
    could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the
    kid on his way without a ticket.

    Stuck under a bridge
    A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign
    comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it
    the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the
    bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car
    comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to
    the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got
    stuck, huh?"
    The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge
    and ran out of gas.

    I'm going to a lecture
    The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his
    car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily
    along, a policeman stopped him.
    What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" said the officer.
    "I'm going to a lecture." the man said.
    "And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop
    "My wife," said the man.

  2. #2

  3. #3
    HAAAAARRRRRRRR Array Mischa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    in ur gf
    the last one is the best. all the others before the Miranda rights are TRUE, and thats no joke!
    Rage. Its my drug of choice.

  4. #4
    funny stuff.....

  5. #5
    www.bcstunters.com Array skid-mark's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    HAHAHA... I like this one..

    "So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that
    means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

  6. #6
    Registered User Array SpideRider's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2002
    Fraser Valley
    Cry in the dojo, laugh on the battlefield
    Sparring speed is a matter of simple physics:
    The height of your flight is inversely proportionate to the mass of your ass.

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