Newfie jokes!
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Thread: Newfie jokes!

  1. #1
    meh. Array tread's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2003

    Newfie jokes!

    (I'm allowed, my family's from out thar.)

    One day a Newfie calls up his lawyer and asks...
    "Wit all them there lawsuits going on I'm feeling kinda left out. How do I get in on some of that action? I hear that people are suing the cigarette companies 'cause they got cancer, and others are suing the Big Mac company 'cause they got themselves fat."
    His lawyer asks, "And which one of those categories do you fit under?"
    The dear ol' Newfie, God bless his soul, answers ....
    "Neider one, bye, I just wanna know if I can sue Labatt's for all the ugly women I've slept wit."

    Three guys, one from Toronto, one from Nova Scotia, and an old Newfie, went into a bar and each ordered a beer. Each found a fly in their beer.
    The Torontrian looked in his beer and said, "Hey bartender I have a fly in my beer. Give me another beer."
    The Nova Scotian looked in his beer, found the fly, reached in an picked it out and continued drinking.
    The old Newfie looked in his beer, saw the fly, grabbed it by the wings, shook it over the glass and yelled, "SPIT IT OUT!!"

    Newfoundland Computer Technology:
    1. Log on - Make the wood stove hotter
    2. Log off - Don't add no more wood
    3. Monitor - Keep an eye on that wood stove
    4. Download - Getting the firewood off the truck
    5. Floppy disk - What you get from trying to carry too much firewood
    6. Ram - The thing that splits the firewood
    7. Hard Drive - Getting home in the winter
    8. Prompt - What the mail ain't in the winter
    9. Window - What to shut when it's cold outside
    10. Screen - What to shut in black fly season
    11. Byte - What the black flies do
    12. Bit - What the black flies did
    13. Mega Byte - What the BIG black flies do during trout season
    14. Chip - Munchies for TV
    15. Micro Chip - What's left in the bag after you eat the chips
    16. Modem - What you did to the weeds growing in the driveway
    17. Dot matrix - Old Dan Matrix's wife
    18. Lap top - Where the beer spills when you pass out
    19. Software - The dumb plastic knives and forks they give you at McDonalds
    20. Hardware - Real stainless steel cutlery
    21. Mouse - What makes the holes in the Cheerios box
    22. Main frame - What holds the house up, hopefully
    23. Enter - The only way to win those magazine ad sweepstakes
    24. Web - What a spider makes
    25. Web site - High corners of the ceiling
    26. Cursor - Someone who swears
    27. Search Engine - What you do when the car dies
    28. Screen Saver - repair kit for the torn window screen
    29. Home Page - map you keep in your back pocket just in case you
    get lost in the woods
    30. Upgrade - Steep hill
    31. Server - waitress
    32. Mail Server - male waitress, damn few in Newfoundland
    33. MS DOS - Some new disease they discovered
    34. Sound Card - One'a dem technological birthday cards that plays music when you open it
    35. User - The neighbor who keeps borrowing stuff
    36. Browser - A problem moose in the Garden or Blueberry Patch
    37. Network - Mending holes in the gillnet
    38. Internet - Complicated fish net repair method
    39. Netscape - What haddock do when you don't do your network
    40. Online - good sign there'll be clean clothes this week
    41. Off line - clothespins let go and & laundry falls on the ground--better luck next week
    The proctologist called, they found your head.

  2. #2
    X-nasty Array Bora20's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Kamloops, BC
    2007 BMW G650X-Challenge
    cute, just like your avatar
    2007 BMW G650X Challenge

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