(I'm allowed, my family's from out thar.)
One day a Newfie calls up his lawyer and asks...
"Wit all them there lawsuits going on I'm feeling kinda left out. How do I get in on some of that action? I hear that people are suing the cigarette companies 'cause they got cancer, and others are suing the Big Mac company 'cause they got themselves fat."
His lawyer asks, "And which one of those categories do you fit under?"
The dear ol' Newfie, God bless his soul, answers ....
"Neider one, bye, I just wanna know if I can sue Labatt's for all the ugly women I've slept wit."
Three guys, one from Toronto, one from Nova Scotia, and an old Newfie, went into a bar and each ordered a beer. Each found a fly in their beer.
The Torontrian looked in his beer and said, "Hey bartender I have a fly in my beer. Give me another beer."
The Nova Scotian looked in his beer, found the fly, reached in an picked it out and continued drinking.
The old Newfie looked in his beer, saw the fly, grabbed it by the wings, shook it over the glass and yelled, "SPIT IT OUT!!"
Newfoundland Computer Technology:
1. Log on - Make the wood stove hotter
2. Log off - Don't add no more wood
3. Monitor - Keep an eye on that wood stove
4. Download - Getting the firewood off the truck
5. Floppy disk - What you get from trying to carry too much firewood
6. Ram - The thing that splits the firewood
7. Hard Drive - Getting home in the winter
8. Prompt - What the mail ain't in the winter
9. Window - What to shut when it's cold outside
10. Screen - What to shut in black fly season
11. Byte - What the black flies do
12. Bit - What the black flies did
13. Mega Byte - What the BIG black flies do during trout season
14. Chip - Munchies for TV
15. Micro Chip - What's left in the bag after you eat the chips
16. Modem - What you did to the weeds growing in the driveway
17. Dot matrix - Old Dan Matrix's wife
18. Lap top - Where the beer spills when you pass out
19. Software - The dumb plastic knives and forks they give you at McDonalds
20. Hardware - Real stainless steel cutlery
21. Mouse - What makes the holes in the Cheerios box
22. Main frame - What holds the house up, hopefully
23. Enter - The only way to win those magazine ad sweepstakes
24. Web - What a spider makes
25. Web site - High corners of the ceiling
26. Cursor - Someone who swears
27. Search Engine - What you do when the car dies
28. Screen Saver - repair kit for the torn window screen
29. Home Page - map you keep in your back pocket just in case you
get lost in the woods
30. Upgrade - Steep hill
31. Server - waitress
32. Mail Server - male waitress, damn few in Newfoundland
33. MS DOS - Some new disease they discovered
34. Sound Card - One'a dem technological birthday cards that plays music when you open it
35. User - The neighbor who keeps borrowing stuff
36. Browser - A problem moose in the Garden or Blueberry Patch
37. Network - Mending holes in the gillnet
38. Internet - Complicated fish net repair method
39. Netscape - What haddock do when you don't do your network
40. Online - good sign there'll be clean clothes this week
41. Off line - clothespins let go and & laundry falls on the ground--better luck next week