Rules of a True Guy
Rule 1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
Rule 2: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
Rule 3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally
killed and eaten by his buddies.
Rule 4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a
friend out of jail within 12 hours.
Rule 5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
Rule 6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is
forbidden. However, you may complain at will if the temperature is
Rule 7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for
another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly
Rule 8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not
Rule 9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you
may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's
Rule 10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have
brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the
purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
Rule 11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when
you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless
supermodel... and it's free.
Rule 12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you
allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
Rule 13: Unless you're in prison, never fight partially clothed or
Rule 14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever.
Rule 15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see
Rule 16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as
spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to
drink as much as the other sports watchers.
Rule 17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
remain sober enough to fight.
Rule 18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
Rule 19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be
talking about his choice of beer.
Rule 20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of
yours, unless she's withholding sex pending your response.
Rule 21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
Rule 22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal
footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other
situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you
Rule 23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on
longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the
phone. Hang up if necessary.
Rule 24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a
friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling
weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again
before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
Rule 25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable
for her to drive yours.
Rule 26: Thou shall not buy a car or motorcycle in the colors of brown,
pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
Rule 27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an
Xbox. End of story.
Rule 28: There is no reason for guys to watch Men's Figure Skating or
Men's Gymnastics. Ever.