To ride... or not to ride?
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Thread: To ride... or not to ride?

  1. #1
    cheese grater Array corn_dawg's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    1998 GS500E

    Unhappy To ride... or not to ride?

    Ok ladies, I have a dilemma, and I was hoping you could maybe help me out, as I'm positive some of you have gone through what I am going through... (I'm sure some of you boys have too)...

    I took the PRS course back in March and got my class 6 behind my parents back. I didn't tell them because it was something I wanted to do for myself and I knew they would've given me the lecture on "Why waste your time and money on things like that when you could put it towards more contructive things... yadda yadda yadda".

    Anyways, so i broke the news last night to my Mom... I told her I went out behind their backs and took the course, got my license and now I want to buy a motorcycle.

    Here's what I didn't expect. She started CRYING. REALLY BAD. I mean BAWLING!!! She said she doesnt want me to do it, PERIOD, whether I'm living under their roof or not. She told me that it KILLS her to know that I would want to put my life at risk like that, and that she'd jump off a bridge if anything happened to me.

    I tried explaining to my Mom that I'm safe and that obviously there are risks, whether youre on a motorcycle or in a car... she tells me "I don't care if youre a good rider or whatever, thats fine, but you can't control all the other idiots out there on the road! There are enough accidents that happen in CARS, if youre on a motorcycle, that's the end. Why would you want to hurt me like that????"

    I also told her that riding is something that makes ME FEEL GOOD and that her stopping me from doing it is only hurting ME. Yes, i cried too. It was an emotional discussion.

    So what do I do, ladies? I feel like no matter what I do, I'm going to get hurt. If I ride, she will be so hurt (which kills me to know I'm doing that to her...), if I dont ride, I get hurt not being able to do something I want to do.

    I love my Mom and I know she cares for me, but I'm so upset at the thought that I might never be able to ride a motorcycle again!!!

    This sucks. Help. Please!
    Impossible is an opinion, not a fact.

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  3. #2
    Vale Tudo Array Vili's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Lower Mainland
    I got a gun ...
    dudette she is right, there are idiots out there that will attempt to wipe you out and if you chase them cops will go after you!!

    happened to me today, read my thread.

    All that said and done, you should keep it behind your moms back so she dont worry herself to death.

  4. #3
    all valid points, on both sides.

    but you can't live your life for your mother. you have to live your life for you. all you can do is reduce and control the risks you can, and try to avoid the ones you can't.

    going thru life asking what if sucks.

  5. #4
    Moderator Array flowrider's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    In hell
    Big and slow
    When my bro and I started to ride my Dad would have none of it. Actually I purchased a bike very early on when I was 18 and he made me sell it or get out of the house. Needless to say I sold it as I was in no position to do anything else at the time. Later my bro started riding and he really didn't like it. Then I started and he still didn't like it. Well I had some crappy life stuff happen and when he saw how much time I worked on the bike, how much I enjoyed it, how at the time it was the only thing that made me happy... well he got over all those intial fears of us dying and began to see it for what it really is, a passion and an escape from the crappy parts of life.
    Parents will get over it eventually it just takes time. Give it some time and it will get better.
    Flowbie- Mellowing with age...

    Stolen from Atom:
    Being a road crayon sucks....put your gear between you and the pavement.

  6. #5
    Registered User Array Traum's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    the PAGO-trike
    As Doug says, both of you have valid points. But I am also of the believe that you don't and you can't live your life for your mother. There is no doubt you love her, and she loves you, but as you grow up, you make your own choices and she gotta respect and accept that. She has to realize that her little girl is all grown up and call her own shots. She has to let go. If she doesn't know how, she gotta learn.

    I had a bit of the same struggle with my folks as well, although since I started riding on a 50cc scoot, it was much easier for my old lady to swallow. You just have to demonstrate to her that you are a responsible daughter and a responsible rider. Always wear full gear when you head out to ride, and show her that you're always heading out with full gear. Reassure her that you will ride slow. And if you must, wear that flashy and aweful looking yellow-orange reflective vest.

    Do not argue with the old lady. She is scared stiff only because she loves you more than she loves herself.

    Another thing is, a docile-looking bike would be easier for her to accept. That means the plain, simple, and boring looking naked bikes. Wild-looking sportsbike will make her think you're gonna ride like a maniac, and cruisers are gonna make her think that you've joined a biker gang. Since you're a new rider, you probably don't want to get anything too powerful anyway. Get her accustomed to your plain-looking crappy bike before shelling out big bucks for your dream bike a few years down the road.

    Either that or get yourself a Vespa.

    GL, my friend.

    Last edited by Traum; 06-19-2006 at 12:25 AM.
    I ride; therefore I am.

  7. #6
    Meh... that's nice... Array Solar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    North Vancouver
    1989 CBR250R (SOLD)
    corn_dawg - I know where you're coming from. Although I didn't do it behind my mom's back - it took me 2 yrs of constantly bugging her with 'bike stuff' to finally convince my mom that I REALLY wanted to ride. She finally realized that sooner or later, no matter how much she said no, I would have gone out and done it anyways. So instead, she decided she would support me.

    I think you should give your mom some time to soak up what you told her. I'm sure a lot of her emotions came from the fact that you went behind her back to do this and the fact that it happens to be a dangerous sport just adds more fuel to the fire. Once she's had some time then maybe try bringing up the subject again....

    good luck!
    RIP Julie
    July 10, 2005

    RIP Mikhail
    July 12, 2008

  8. #7
    I'm hungry... Array tackle_me_2's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2004
    BMW F800ST
    I'd say "ride"! Start with a smaller bike (250, 400 cc), always wear full gear. You have to demonstrate to your mom that you're a big girl, and you are responsible.

    Choosing to ride does NOT mean you are choosing to hurt your mom. Choosing to ride means you are doing something for yourself (which is allowed, just so you know). It's up to her to choose how to react.

    Like everyone said, you can't live your life for your mom. I'm not sure how old you are, but at some point, you're going to have to start making choices your mom won't like. My mom threatened to commit suicide when I wanted to move out at age 18, so I chickened out. Then she said that again when I wanted to move out at age 23. But by the time I was 23, I learned to say, "this is what I'm doing, and what you do to react is up to you" (after re-assuring her many times I'll come home every week to visit and I love her very much). She didn't talk to me for 2 months, but she didn't kill herself either. :P

  9. #8



    You could die tomorrow walking accross the street. Parents love us but I don't think they truely remember what it is like growing up. You have to find your own way in life just like I'm sure your mom did.

    If all else fails call up Gramma and get some dirt on your mom!

  10. #9
    Registered User Array Photogirl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    ' in between '
    Corn_Dawg. I feel for ya.
    Give your Mom some time, but do what you gotta to do.

    I knew it would be a terrible shock for my Mum, so I broke it down into smaller manageable size shocks : So Mum I got my learner's /am thinking of taking a course/am taking a course /have passed the course /managed to get my Class 6 /am shopping for a motorcycle /finally found a motorcycle...

    She still hates that I ride but has come to accept it.
    (It's something that we really don't 'talk' about)
    My Dad on the other hand, totally thinks it's cool!
    Last edited by Photogirl; 06-19-2006 at 01:08 AM.

  11. #10
    Polish Princess Array Marta's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Polska :)
    2005 Honda CBR600RR
    my mom didn't care, but my dad was freaked out when he heard his little girl wanted to get a bike. He arranged for me to get lessons ( secretly thinking that i would never pass the road test... and i did). since then he has gotten used to it, he thinks it's kinda cool actully.

    anyways, i find that there are two extremes, those who hate it and those who love it. you can't convince anyone other-wise. you have shown your responsibility by taking the course and wanting to be as safe as possible. it's obvious you really want to do this and you should. otherwise, everytime you are walking down the street or sitting at a coffee shop, and a couple of bikes go by you will get a sinking sick feeling in your stomach. you'll get all depressed and you will regret not having your bike and may have some resentment towards your mom.

    that being said, don't lie to her, but explain that you will be careful. She will get used to it. Give her no choice this is too fun to pass up.

    hope that made sense... it did in my head.
    (PS--- the whole jumping off of a bridge comment is unfair to you. So is she saying that if you got hurt on a bike she would jump off of a bridge, but if you got hurt in a car, or crossing the street, or fell under the skytrain or got hit by a truck she would be ok with it and NOT do any base jumping??? come on now. )

  12. #11
    How'd I end up here? Array bcgirlrider's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    '03 VFR 800 (his name is Zeus!)
    I also say RIDE!!

    It took me years of guilt and anguish to finally go and take a course after the numerous lectures of "as long as you live under this roof you will NOT ride a motorcycle - those things are deathtraps!" It's now about 8 years after moving out and I'm finally going for my road test Friday after completing a course. They still don't like it, but I've done everything I can to make sure that I'll be a safe rider. You have to do what makes YOU happy - it's a tough lesson for your mom to learn, but it's one that will be very valuable to both of you.

    Good luck!
    Live life like you mean it!

  13. #12
    BBQ Squadron Member Array Dark()Knight's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2002
    BatCave in Van
    You can live life under a rock, or you can live life in the sun.
    Ride. Be free.
    Just be extra aware of your surroundings and always in gear.
    Demonstrate how safe riding can be.
    Good Luck!!!!
    Be Happy for this moment.... This moment is your life.

    It is not about Anger,
    It's about Peace.
    It is not about Power,
    It's about Grace.
    It is not about knowing your enemy,
    It's about knowing yourself.

  14. #13
    Lee RideFar Array elevation's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    White Rock
    Ninja 1000
    I did the exact same thing. I took the course and got the bike and I told them all about 2 months after it. They were pissed... Not because I got a motorcycle but because I did not tell them. Then they got mad about me riding and how dangerous it is. It was a tense situation. So I brought the bike around the next day and when they saw me with a smaller-ish bike and I was head-to-toe in helmut and leathers they accepted it. Its been an year and half now and they are ok with it and my dad now wants to come to the stunting rides and fifth gear bbq's!!!!!

    Your parents just need time.

  15. #14
    User And Abuser Array alternateimpact's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    2004 CBR 600 F4i
    Moms, and woman in general respond on an emotional level. Its funny though, as it was always my mom that was dead against me riding streetbikes (dirtbikes were ok). But when I actually bought the streetbike, it was my dad that was the nervous one(go figure). I respected my parents advice about not riding when I was younger, and waited until I was of an age to make an informed decision. They were both were a little upset at first....even at the age of 27 lol, but they have gotten over it...And your mom will to. I think I would rather have a mom and dad that got at least a little upset, than ones who just didnt give a shit....No matter what age I am!

  16. #15
    Registered User Array Silent Scream's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    EX500 - SOLD
    Eery.. this is my dilemma exactly. Only difference is that my mom feels that all my money should be going to school, and she knew that my dad was very very VERY against me ever riding... and that, in turn, has made her against it. Even though she used to be okay with it. Needless to say.. my bike is at my friends house. She thinks it's up for sale. It's not.

    I guess your decision really depends on whether you like the idea of lying to your parents, whether you want them to be worrying so much over you every time you're out, or whether you think you can just give it up completely. It's a hard decision to make... I've decided to keep my mom in the dark. The less she knows right now, the better. Maybe one day she'll cool down, stop freaking out that her children are going to die and leave her all alone, and let me ride. Until then.. my bike is only a few blocks away from my house.
    In the whole wide world, there's no magic place... so you might as well rise. Put on your bravest face.

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