Evil overlord
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Thread: Evil overlord

  1. #1

    Evil overlord

    This will kind of ruin all those silly movies we watch. But what the heck. I'm gonna have some fun...

    If I ever become an Evil Overlord:

    1. My legions of terror will have helmets with clear
    plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.

    2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

    3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will
    be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten
    cell of my dungeon.

    4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

    5. The artifact which is the source of my power will
    not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River
    of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will
    be in my safe-deposit box.

    6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before
    killing them.

    7. When the rebel leader challenges me to fight one-
    on-one and asks, "Or are you afraid without your armies
    to back you up?" My reply will be, "No, just sensible."

    8. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look,
    before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this
    is all about?" I'll say, "Nope" and shoot him.

    9. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be
    married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a
    lavish spectacle in three weeks time during which the
    final phase of my plan will be carried out.

    10. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labeled "Danger: Do Not Push".

    11. I will not order my trusted lieutenant to kill the
    infant who is destined to overthrow me -- I'll do it

    12. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum
    -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just
    as well.

    13. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore,
    I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in
    the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive
    to show they pose no threat.

    14. I will not waste time making my enemy's death look
    like an accident: I'm not accountable to anyone and
    my other enemies wouldn't believe it.

    15. I will make it clear that I _do_ know the meaning
    of the word "mercy"; I simply choose not show them any.

    16. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-
    old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to
    spot will be corrected before its implementation.

    17. All slain enemies will be cremated, not left for
    dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of
    their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration,
    will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.

    18. My undercover agents will not have tattoos identifying
    them as members of my organization, nor will they be
    required to wear military boots or adhere to any other
    dress codes.

    19. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last
    cigarette, or any other form of last request.

    20. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown.
    If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable,
    I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117
    and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.

    21. I will design all doomsday machines myself. If
    I must hire a mad scientist to assist me, I will make
    sure that he is sufficiently twisted to never regret
    his evil ways and seek to undo the damage he's caused.

    22. I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill
    you, there's just one thing I want to know."

    23. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.

  2. #2
    Registered User Array
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    1998 GsX-R 600
    Copied and pasted on my "to Do" list.
    Quote Originally Posted by Harps
    Pfft...like you've never drank a little piss.

  3. #3
    myside.yourside.myside Array bluenote's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    sold :/

  4. #4
    The Philosopher King Array Frapps's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    North Vancouver
    83 RG250 Gamma//95Kawi ZX6
    24) I will hire assassins to kill any infant that appears to have any form of special powers that may be used to usurp my throne

    25) I will send out special groups of people to collect artifacts that may contain any special power or ability to moral uplift an enemy’s army

    26) On any anniversary of any date of significance, any full moon, or solstice I will triple the guards at my fortress and lock my self in the highest tower which has only one door no windows and sit in a chair with a shot gun aimed directly at the door

    27) I will also never piss of any mystical sprit like creatures unless it is absolutely necessary… then without warning I will wipe them off the face of the earth

    28) Any enemy I kill I will kill his father, brother, wife, son, daughter, mother, and any extremely close friends and so on (will see if that 10 degrees of separation thing is true)
    G.B. Shaw: We are made wise not by the recollection of our past but by the responsibility for our future
    Miguel Ruiz: Death is not the biggest fear we have our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive and express what we really are

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