Two friends are just about to tee off at the first
hole of their local golf course when a third guy, carrying a golf bag
calls out to them,
"Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up."
"Sure," they say, "You're welcome to play along
So they start playing and enjoy the game and the
company of the newcomer.
Part way around the course, one of the friends asks the guy, "So,
what do you do for a living?"
"I'm a hit man."
"No, I'm not," he says, reaching into his golf
bag and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large
"Here are my tools."
"That's a beautiful telescopic sight," says the
other friend, "Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my
house from here."
So he picks up the rifle and looks through the sight in the section
of his house.
"Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight
is fantastic! I can see right in the window! Wow, I can see my wife in
the bedroom. ... Ha Ha, I can see she's naked! Hey, What's that? Wait
minute ... Hey, that's my next-door neighbour in there with
her..... He's naked, too!!
"Those no-good S'O'B's!!
He turns to the hit man, "How much do you charge
for a hit?"
"I do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars
every time I pull the trigger."
"Can you do two for me now?"
"Sure, what do you want?"
"First, shoot my wife. She's always been mouthy,
so shoot her in the mouth.
Then, the neighbour. He's actually a friend of
mine, so just shoot his willy off to teach him a lesson."
The hit man takes out the rifle and takes aim,
standing perfectly still for about a minute.
"Are you going to do it or not?" asks the friend
"Just wait a second ... be patient," says the
hit man calmly, I think I can save you a grand here....."