I'm running from the cops
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Thread: I'm running from the cops

  1. #1
    Foecus on this Array foecus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    A black one

    I'm running from the cops

    Girl: Hi
    Boy: hello
    Boy: who is this?
    Girl: just a someone?
    Boy: A someone I know?
    Girl: nope
    Boy: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
    Girl: well sorrrrrry
    Girl: I just wanted to chat with you
    Boy: why?
    Girl: nevermind your an asshole
    Boy: Hey wait a minute
    Girl: yes?
    Boy: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
    Girl: paranoid?
    Boy: yes
    Girl: of what?
    Girl: me?
    Boy: No. I'm in hiding.
    Girl: LOL
    Boy: Don't fucking laugh at me!
    Boy: This shit is serious!
    Girl: What are you hiding from?
    Boy: The cops.
    Girl: gimme a fucking break
    Boy: I'm serious.
    Girl: I don't get it
    Boy: The cops are after me.
    Girl: For what?
    Boy: I'm wanted in three states
    Girl: For???
    Boy: It's kindof embarrasing.
    Boy: I had sex with a turkey.
    Boy: Hello?
    Girl: You are fucking sick.
    Boy: Send me your picture.
    Girl: why?
    Boy: so I know you aren't one of them.
    Girl: One of what?
    Boy: The cops.
    Girl: I'm not a cop i told you
    Boy: Then send me your picture.
    Girl: hold on
    Boy: Hurry up.
    Boy: Are you there?
    Boy: fuck you, cop!
    Girl: Hey sorry
    Girl: I had to do something for my mom.
    Boy: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
    Boy: When really you were notifying the authorities.
    Boy: Weren't you!?
    Girl: thats not it
    Boy: Then what?
    Girl: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
    Boy: Most cops aren't
    Boy: Then send me the picture.
    Girl: fine. What's your e-mail?
    Boy: Just send it through here.
    Girl: alright *PIC*
    Girl: Did you get it?
    Boy: Hold on. I'm looking.
    Girl: That was me back in may
    Girl: I've lost weight since then.
    Boy: I hope so
    Girl: what?!?
    Girl: that hurt my feelings.
    Boy: Did it?
    Girl: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
    Boy: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
    Girl: yes
    Boy: Alright let me find it.
    Girl: kks
    Boy: Okay here it is. *PIC*
    Girl: this isn't you.
    Boy: I'll be damned if it ain't!
    Girl: You don't look like that.
    Boy: How the hell do you know?
    Girl: cause your profile has another picture.
    Boy: The profile pic is a fake.
    Boy: I use it to hide from the cops.
    Girl: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
    Boy: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
    Boy: Not to mention all the groceries.
    Girl: Go fuck yourself
    Boy: I was going to until I saw that picture
    Boy: Now my dick won't get hard for a week.
    Girl: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
    Girl: You've done nothing but slam me.
    Girl: you hurt me.
    Boy: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
    Girl: I thought you were bullshitting me!
    Boy: Why would I do that?
    Girl: I can't believe that cops are after you
    Boy: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
    Girl: FUC YOU!!!
    Boy: You'd break both of his legs.
    Girl: You're a FUCKing asshole.
    Girl: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
    Girl: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
    Boy: Ok. I'm sorry.
    Girl: No you aren't
    Boy: You're right. I'm not.
    Boy: HAARRRRR!
    Girl: I'm done with you
    Boy: Aww. I'm sorry.
    Girl: I'm putting you on ignore
    Boy: Wait a sec
    Boy: We got off on the wrong foot.
    Boy: Wanna start over?
    Girl: No
    Boy: I'll eat your pussy
    Girl: You'll what?
    Boy: You heard me.
    Boy: I said I'd eat your pussy.
    Girl: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my
    Boy: Do I need a hard-on to eat your pussy?
    Girl: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
    Boy: Well I'm not like most men.
    Boy: I get excited in different ways.
    Girl: Like what?
    Boy: Do you really wanna know?
    Girl: I don't know
    Boy: You have to tell me yes or no.
    Girl: I'm afraid to
    Boy: Why?
    Girl: cause
    Boy: cause why?
    Girl: well lets see
    Girl: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you
    wanna eat me out
    Girl: doesn't that seem strange to you?
    Boy: Nope
    Girl: well its strange to me
    Boy: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
    Girl: I didn't say that
    Boy: So is that a yes?
    Girl: I guess so.
    Boy: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
    Boy: Are you willing?
    Girl: What do you need me to do?
    Boy: I need you talk like a pirate.
    Girl: ???
    Boy: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
    Boy: ok?
    Boy: Hello?
    Girl: You can't be serious
    Boy: Oh yes I am!
    Boy: It's my fantasy.
    Girl: this is retarded
    Boy: Do you want it or not?
    Girl: Yes I want it.
    Boy: Then you'll do it for me?
    Girl: sure
    Boy: Ok. Here we go.
    Boy: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
    Boy: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up
    against them
    Boy: I softly begin to tounge your wet pussy.
    Boy: I run my tounge up and down your smooth slit.
    Girl: mmmm yeah
    Boy: uh oh ...going limp.
    Girl: Har
    Boy: You gotta do better than that!
    Boy: Your picture was really bad.
    Boy: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your pussy get more moist with every
    Boy: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
    Boy: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my
    Boy: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
    Girl: mmmmmm you are good
    Boy: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder
    Boy: going limp
    Boy: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
    Boy: You begin to sway back and forth.
    Boy: going limp
    Girl: this is stupid
    Boy: ...still limp
    Boy: Do it!
    Boy: I turn you around to lick your asshole.
    Boy: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
    Boy: I see shit nuggets hanging from the hair around your asshole.
    Girl: WTF?!?!?
    Boy: They stink really bad.
    Girl: OMG STOP!!!
    Boy: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
    Boy: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
    Boy: I ram it up your ass.
    Boy: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
    Boy: And turn you into a fucking candy apple...
    Boy: I kick you in the face!
    Boy: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
    Boy: Your parrot flys away.
    Boy: ...going limp again.
    Boy: Hello?
    Boy: Say it!
    Boy: HAARRRRRR!!!!!

  2. #2
    Smooth Operator Array marclapierre's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Vancouver Island, B.C.
    She's Gone :'(
    wtf lol.... whered you find that.

  3. #3
    Big Stick

  4. #4
    I'm a she-male. Array integra298's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Scooty Puff Junior.
    that's stolen from some other site!

    Hello? Anyone still out there? d:

  5. #5
    Slacker. Array Mitch awsome's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    \ the valley /
    Cleveland Steamer
    Pretty funny,

  6. #6
    too long

  7. #7
    Swivel on it Array SkydiveSonic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    I would ask for the 2-3 minutes i spend reading back. But then again i'd just waste them ....
    If you wanna say something, speak into the mic. It's right above my balls.

  8. #8
    Registered User Array Tengu's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    The Wack
    Quote Originally Posted by integra298 View Post
    that's stolen from some other site!
    Yeah it is.

    Its "bloodninja" and more here http://www.adamchance.com/funny.htm

    Last edited by Tengu; 03-08-2007 at 11:38 PM.
    Portfolio Site:

  9. #9
    Registered User Array janesee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    2009 Kawi ZX6R
    oh - dear - god - what did i just spend the last minute reading!?
    Good friends will bail you out of jail, BEST friends are the ones sitting in the cell next to you saying, "Dude that was fucking awesome!"

    1996 Kawasaki Ninja EX500
    2005 Yamaha R6
    2007 Yamaha TTR230
    2009 Kawasaki ZX6R Monster Energy Edition

  10. #10
    Registered User Array scubaphil's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    99 R6
    yeah there is this guy name something ninja.. he does it to a few girls.. goes online, entice them and then go totally off topic.

    this one was from my friend... super hilarous.

    Shutting Down A Girl At Work...


    Here's a little story about this girl at my workplace...

    This said girl trained me for a few days when I started off at my company but moved to another department on the same floor by my second week..She would still stop by my desk every now and then to say hey and be nice...

    Now mind you I'm not attracted to her and she's definitely not my type...

    We have lunch a handful of times a week with our other co-workers and then she starts texting me on my phone after work...She tells me she likes my personality...She wants to get with me...She loves to talk dirty...And so on...This has kinda been goin' on for a few days now and I've kinda been goin' with it just for kicks...

    So I'm on my way home from work when she starts texting me again...

    And this is how the conversation goes...

    Girl: "I love how you get me all worked up in the office...It's so sexy..."

    *No response from me*

    Girl: "Maybe we can flake on lunch sometime and I can put your cock between my lips..."

    *No response from me*

    Girl: "I just want you to go in my mouth and swallow it down for you..."

    *No response from me*

    Girl: "When I get home I'm gonna think of you when I play with my toys..."


    Girl: "What re you thinking about?"

    *I'm thinking about...How much money I saved on my car insurance by switching to Geico...*

    She never responded back...
    If jack helped you off a horse would you help jack off a horse??

    You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.

  11. #11
    The Wizard Array Focker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    ZX6R street, SV 650 Race
    Makes me wonder why I learned how to read.
    WMRC #12
    WMRC Treasurer 2006 - 2008
    WMRC President 2008 - 2010

  12. #12
    Crotch Rocket Scientist Array penumbra604's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    2001 Yamaha FZ1
    That sucked. Slap the original poster.
    2001 Black Yamaha FZ1

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