Men vs Women
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Thread: Men vs Women

  1. #1
    Swivel on it Array SkydiveSonic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006

    Men vs Women

    She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
    Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
    Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
    Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
    And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

    "Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
    As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
    "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
    "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
    and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

    I know I'm not going to understand women.
    I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
    pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
    and still be afraid of a spider.

    While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
    Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
    "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."
    He addressed the man,
    "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
    Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

    A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
    The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
    He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
    She directs him down the correct aisle.
    A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
    She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
    He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
    to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
    and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
    So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.

    A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
    An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
    neither of them wanted to concede their position.
    As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
    the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
    "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

    The Silent Treatment
    A man and his wife were having some problems at home
    and were giving each other the silent treatment.
    Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
    at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
    Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
    "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
    The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
    when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
    The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
    If you wanna say something, speak into the mic. It's right above my balls.

  2. #2
    Formerly kanelupis Array CanaganD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    I like the "WIFE VS. HUSBAND" one

    very witty.

  3. #3
    Mr. Sophisticata Array toomuchgsxr's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2003
    05 Gixx 1000
    dude your avatar is just fucking wrong.
    Team Troll - Triple T

  4. #4
    Swivel on it Array SkydiveSonic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Changed it - just for you
    If you wanna say something, speak into the mic. It's right above my balls.

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