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RS 03.08.74 ~ 02.11.06
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388 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Ok guys...this is my last thread. I don't want to overstay my welcome and I definately don't want to lose track of why I started posting here in the first place ; to honor Rick and remind us all that life is short.

2006 has been, by far, the most terrifying and challenging year of my life.

On February 11, 2006, I was having lunch at my parents house with our 5month old son Coen, while my husband Rick was on a ride to Squamish with his friend Marcus and my brother Graham.

At 12:34pm Rick lowsided and slid into oncoming traffic. He was run over and instantly killed by an oncoming Ford 350. My brother who was following him, took the brunt of the debris and flew over his handlebars and was violently pinned under another truck. He was critically insured and was clinging to life.

We got a call from VGH at around 1:30. They said my brother had been in an accident and to come see him immediately. As we drove there, I remember it was unlike Rick to not have called. I called his cell...and Marcus's cell... and there was no answer.

When we got to VGH, we were pushed into a private room for 1 hour. We all knew something was very wrong, but we didn't know what. The anticipation made me sick to my stomach.

After 1 hour, my Dad spotted the helicopter pilots that had brought my brother to the hospital. He asked where the other two riders were, and they said "one rider walked away with no injury... and there was one casualty."

I begged the social worker to tell me who it was that died, but she couldn't tell me. At this point, I pushed myself into the unauthorized emergency unit, still with my son Coen in my arms, and ran over to my brother Graham.

I went right up to his face anf asked " did Rick die !? "
Half conscious... he said "i don't know"
Then I asked again.
He still said " i don't know"
So I asked " did Markus die ? "
And he said "no."

I can't remember what happened next. All I know is I held my son and screamed until I was ushered out of the emergency unit.

It has been 10 months since that day. Since then, I have been given a whole new perspective on life.

I used to think that if you were a good person, that good things would happen to you. Rick and I were good people. We had everything going for us, we truly loved and respected eachother and we had so many plans for the future.

Now I realize that tragedy is unbiased and that anyone can be a victim to it. I realize that while I feel I am living my worst nightmare, it actually could be way worse.

When you lose your husband, your whole life is stripped away from you. You go from wife to widow, family to single mother, financially independant to single income and not quite getting by. Your couple friends feel sorry for you, your single friends wonder why you haven't moved on yet. You are judged by your grieving. People think it is an open invitation to tell you how you should be coping. You are more vulnerable than ever before.

I lived for my family and for my husband. While I have lost my soulmate and Coen has lost his Dad, Coen and I move forward and will try to live our lives to the fullest. Just like we would have had Rick still been around.

Let's make 2007 a better year than 2006. Remember that each time you get on your bike you are risking your life. If my story stops you from riding outside your skill level or makes you think twice about speeding excessively, or makes you take a cab home when you have been drinking...well then my posts have done something worthwhile.

Happy holidays and here is to 2007:rockon
 

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I for one had a hard time reading that.
I don't know what to say as I'm sure nothing a stranger on the net says can ever make you feel any better.
I don't think this should be your last posts. I have enjoyed your point of view this past year.
You're an incredible strong person kid. Your personality comes through, even on the internet.
All my best to you and your family

Oh and stick around, you bring a lot to this site.
 

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Rick was a lucky guy.

Now can I give you some advice? ;)

Stop making me tear up. I'm so glad you've stuck around here, and I hope you are too.
 

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Woah!

*tears* That was well-written.

This is a hard time of year for many people. I am sorry for your loss and anyone else who has lost a loved one to motorcycling or anything else.

Rachel, I wish you all the best in your search for peace and a fulfilling life for you and your son. Remember that you have the most precious thing that Rick could ever have given you. Although he is "gone" now, you will always have his child and your (both of you) baby will always have his mama and family and close friends. He will bring you joys (as he already has) that nothing else in this world could compare too. Take care of each other and try your best to find the beauty and love in the things that will make you as whole as you can be again.
My heart goes out to you!
Sending you all the best in moving forward in 2007!

Angela
 

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Been there, Wrecked that!
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2,221 Posts
Over stayed your welcome? BAH TO THAT!!! This shouldn't be your last post! You bring a special perspective to this community.



I, for one, hope that my wife will have the support and sense to not go on here and tear up every member and just deal with my demise whether i die or not.
^^ Though I don't quite understand this post above :confused
 

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Bitey things are niceless
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342 Posts
Thank you for ALL your posts, and helping me to keep my riding in perspective, especially at this point in my life.

I haven’t been riding long, but lots, until August. I got my class 6 on the day of my wedding rehearsal, and rode constantly from then up until my crash. Riding was, and is, a part of my life that I have a serious passion for. I rode every day, through all solid 2 months of rain last year, even through the 8" or snow last winter because I love riding that much. 33000km in 10 months. That all came to a grinding halt this past summer when I dumped my bike on a group ride in the cascades. I don't remember August, and most of September as a result. My wife, 5 months pregnant at the time, got the call from "some strange girl", a girlfriend of one of the guys I was riding with at the time, and she and my dad rushed down to see me in the hospital only to find I'd been air lifted to a trauma centre by the time they got there. I hear that those 3 days down there waiting for me to be stable enough to transport home were less than comfortable.

My son was born 7 days ago. I want to watch him grow up. I'm not going to quit riding because I love it that much, as does my wife as a passenger, but I'm not going to let that complacency get to me again. I can't put my family through the pain you're experiencing.

I thank you again for always reminding me of what could happen, and I hope you'll keep these sobering posts coming, but I'd understand if it's best for you to move away from this forum.

Thanks from myself, my wife Laura, and our son Austin.
 

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S2S anyone?
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310 Posts
I am also deeply moved by your post.
I don't even know what to say, but posts like this hit closer to home for me.

I crashed in September, lowsided and so very close to death. I had 3 days in the hosital, and 2 surgerys. My life as a motorcycle rider is now in limbo. I love riding and its my passion. But I don't have enough will power to restrain myself from twisting the throttle on straight and/or twisty roads with no traffic. I will get back on a bike again, but with a new outlook, "Pick my spots and times"

But everyone please be safe, don't be too selfish and think of the people that love you.

Best wishes for 2007
Adam.
 

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Member #899
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2,611 Posts
Rachel,

although we have never met, I would encourage you to stick around. Your posts are sobering, your opinions are welcomed. You seem to always have the right words to write, and your perspective is somehow unbiased.

I have seen so many good families split up because of tragedies such as yours and it breaks my heart to see this. Billy Joel put it the best in his song "only the good die young". It's not fair, but it seems to happen a lot.

I do, however, understand if you have to close this chapter in your life and move on to new things.

I have appreciated reading all of your posts. You are truly a kind and caring soul.

Best wishes for this season and for all seasons in the future. You will find your way, of that I have no doubt.

Nancy
 

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AKA Martini-girl!!
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Rachel we hope that 2007 will bring you more strength. You've had a rough year. Please don't leave...as everyone has said here...your words...ground us. You are very much a part of this community. Best wishes and much love to you and your son Coen. Our thoughts will always be with you.
 

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Meet you on Sedna!
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275 Posts
Rachel, just wanted to chime in as well. I don't believe you are "overstaying your welcome" in any way at all and although we've never met either, your presence here would be missed.

That said, if you wish to close a chapter here, that's understandable too.

Best wishes to you and your son in '07 and beyond.

Peace.
 

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RS 03.08.74 ~ 02.11.06
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388 Posts
Discussion Starter · #13 · (Edited)
I, for one, hope that my wife will have the support and sense to not go on here and tear up every member and just deal with my demise whether i die or not.
Comments like these are one of the many reasons this is my last thread on the topic of the accident. My goal in the threads were to give a first hand perpective of my progress this year, but not to the expense of having to hear stupid things.

I will drop in to BCSB once and awhile and stay conected to the bike community (just dirtbiking now), but I am leaving this heavy topic alone.

Thank you to everyone who have welcomed me and supported me. It's time to go catch up with all the riding I missed this year and hope to meet you outside of this forum and in person.
 

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Thanks Rachel , i know for a fact that you have helped more than one rider out there , me being one of then . coming from a logging background i've been there felt it touched it and lived it , sometimes we forget how easily it goes away .Reading your posts and seeing my bro crash out in front of me this season are some of the reasons why , i,m taking my passion to the track where i can get the most out of what, it's all about to me , thanks again and have a safe and merry christmas .
 

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Rachel, I don't know you personally, but I can tell you that your posts have made me think about my riding. I am sure my wife and 16 month old daughter would appreciate having me around for some time.
I have taken the liberty to post links to this thread in a couple of beginner bike sites that I visit. I hope that others may learn from this tragedy as well.
Thanks for your concern for the rest of us.
 
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Comments like these are one of the many reasons this is my last thread on the topic of the accident. My goal in the threads were to give a first hand perpective of my progress this year, but not to the expense of having to hear stupid things.

I will drop in to BCSB once and awhile and stay conected to the bike community (just dirtbiking now), but I am leaving this heavy topic alone.

Thank you to everyone who have welcomed me and supported me. It's time to go catch up with all the riding I missed this year and hope to meet you outside of this forum and in person.
As I have said to my best friends wife after he was killed in a motorcycle accident, you do what you need to do. Just don't let those other posts bother you. I know that I just dismiss them, as do the other solid members of this forum. If you can please don't refrain from posting your thoughts. You have helped more than you will probably ever know. You have become one of the pillars of the riding comunity whether you like it or not. Your have helped me.

Thank you!
 

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Everytime I read your posts I start to tear up. All I can say is I really feel for you. Your posts are always welcome, as they make us take a step back and look at what we do in a different light. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you, but please stick in there and stay on the forum as well.
 

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Rachel, I think your posts have done a world of good to help people keep in perspective what we might be leaving behind if and when we go.

Usually, not always but usually, we say farewell to a rider and move on (not callously but that's life). It's not often we continue to witness the fallout (aside from the very personal connections we may have with certain fallen riders). It reminds us that we're not the only one in the equation and that life continues (and hell begins) for those we leave behind. It reminds us that we indeed are not invincible, that we are truly fragile, and despite some of our differences we are all certainly human.

I also think your posts have done a lot for you in your process of coping. Speaking from my experiences, people cope differently but often to the same end. The first emotions are the most violent, explosive, and intense. While strong and vivid, they grow weaker over time. Coping for many people is to try and bring these earliest emotions back because that is when we were last closest to the person we lost and I don't think it's a process that ever ends and I don't think it should. Rick will always be part of who you are and you will see him in your dreams for years to come. Those dreams will sometimes be of the past and other times of the present.

There is no doubt that 2006 was the hardest year in your life. I hope you find 2007 to be much easier however early in the year you have a big chasm to cross over - the first of many anniversaries. The first in my opinion is the hardest, and it looms upon the horizon in your mind for weeks as you dread its coming, wanting time to stand still so the distance in time between you and Rick stops growing. The others will follow not as hard but not necessarily easy. It's not necessarily a linear path though, for some strange reason the 3rd might be a piece of cake and the 4th could be like the second. You still have a long way to go yet you've come so far.

As I said earlier, I think your postings are part of your coping. Your coping isn't over nor should be your posts.

All the best in 2007 to you and your family Rachel and also to everyone else.
 

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How'd I end up here?
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Rachel, I've only met you briefly but you are one of the strongest people I know. Your posts have given us all cause to reflect on the important things in our lives, and I for one, appreciate that. Thank you for your words - they bring tears to my eyes every time, and I think I need to feel that emotion to realize that any life can be tragically shortened at any moment, for any reason.

I wish you and Coen a better 2007, and you have my deepest respect and thanks for taking us all through your incredible journey for the last year.

Monica
 

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Rachel,

Please keep posting if you can, because it inspires us from your strength and wisdom.

It also reminds all of us that our own passions affects more then just ourselves and we must be careful.

With best wishes for you and Coen in 2007...

Ralphael
 
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